My World

things

2010-06-04T17:11:00.002-04:00

Things I am rocking on.
- science! I have craptons of data. I am slowly sifting through it all. I have been accepted for a poster presentation for the conference my lab always attends in June.
- ceramics! I am almost done with my second ceramics class, and have thus far created:
- set of small bowls (8) with pretty brown/white glaze
- set of serving bowl and platter with pretty brown/white glaze that I gave as a wedding gift
- set of white serving bowl and platter with light pink flowers
- 3 pairs of bowls with various colorings of the blue varieties
- set of medium bowls (8) with dark blue and brown coloring
- garlic jar with a yellow smiley face and black hat (lid)
- 2 double handled mugs for J
- large soup bowl with drippy green and brown coloring
- a set of 4 bowls with 'Mommy' 'Daddy' 'Brother' and 'Sister' on them for my college friends and their kids
- currently, I have an adorable teapot (my first) in the works, as well as a set of mugs for my labmates/friends who just moved to boston
- last but not least, Julian! My lord, he is a happy, affectionate, wonderful child. His latest feat of wonder is that he knows all the capital letters and numbers 1-10 already, and he's not even 21 months. I won't claim he is a genius, as he clearly doesn't know what they signify. But he shouts out letters and numbers when he sees them in his surroundings now.

Things I am working on
- car. Next month, we'll be entering a nannyshare arrangement with a family we met through daycare (J's bestest friend, actually... and we happen to get along well with the parents which is AWESOME). We'll be saving a bunch, so we can afford a 2nd car (which we'll need with this new arrangement). So we are on the hunt.
- friendships. I have gotten woefully out of touch with some of my friends. Facebook is helping a lot with getting back in touch with some of my high school friends. I need to start talking to my college friends more.

Things I am slacking on
- photography... I am only occasionally busting out the SLR.
- Julian's photos and website are months months months behind.

2010-02-27T01:19:00.002-05:00

Committee meeting? Check. Whew. Lots of activity following it, on several fronts, so it's all encouraging.

Ceramics? SO MUCH FUN. It's humbling to be in the studio and see people throw huge pots that could encase an entire infant in it. It'll be a long time before I can do that, but one has to start somewhere. I've made:
- 2 mugs with double handles, specially for J.
- 2 pairs of small rice bowls, one set with ridges
- 1 larger bowl, maybe useful for cereal?
- 1 small plate with a spiral in the inside, green slip used.
- 1 LARGE serving bowl with flowers (a wedding gift)
- 2 LARGE square serving platters (both to be gifted)

I would like to make more small bowls and small dishes for my brother in law and his girlfriend, and more small bowls for us to use as well.

Sewing? slowly getting back into it. Made the base for 2 more hats, one will be a dino hat to put up on etsy, the other will be a croc head.

2010-02-27T01:16:00.002-05:00

I've been getting a lot of spam on some of my old old posts about why one should go to Caltech, and how to get in. Which reminded me that a few random people have also commented on those posts, asking for advice. In case those people are still poking around, and for future potential commenters, if the answer to your question is contained in the post, I probably won't reply. And if you're asking if I think you can get in, I also probably won't reply... after all, I am not on the admissions committee, and I can't give you a good answer.

accomplished

2010-02-08T00:29:00.002-05:00

I've had two practice committee meeting talks, thought a LOT about my projects, and have been neck deep in my powerpoint slides all weekend. I'm feeling pretty confident about this coming up Wednesday.

But the best thing of the weekend? Julian turned to me and said 'Mama' today. Unprompted. For the first time.

/pumps fist

derailed!

2010-01-29T00:25:00.002-05:00

Amazing how getting the (possibly H1N1) flu can throw plans and good intentions up in the air and scatter them to the wind.

/cough hack cough

nothing to do but plow on through to my committee meeting. That's in a week and a half. We've got all kinds of plans for afterwards, including:

- Chinese New Year's Eve dinner with my brother, his girlfriend, and J's friend from school (and his parents)
- Robin's week off (scheduled work shut down)
- long weekend in Tahoe

and, of course, catching up on my sewing, and J pictures.

All after my meeting. Starting to get nervous now.

mental prep for the week

2010-01-18T00:56:00.002-05:00

Today, Robin ran some errands while I stayed home with the napping baby. And, bless his heart, not only was he willing to go into Joanne's to look through the scrap bin for me, but he even argued with the cashier because she was an idiot and ringing it up wrong. That is even more heroic than pawing through Victoria's Secret Semi-Annual Sale underwear bins.

Dressmaking got stalled a bit, but I do finally have more thread of the right color. By the end of the week, I hope to have finished the blue pinafore, altered the pattern, and at least cut out the pieces for Rae's dress. I also plan to cut out the pieces for another dino hat, that perhaps I shall list on my new etsy page. (Link coming up when it's actually got stuff there.)

Turns out throwing pots IS a bit like riding a bike; a certain amount does come back to you. I managed to throw two cups on my first time back at the wheel last week. I'll probably cut one in half to look at the profile, and then add 2 handles to the other to make J his first hand made mug. I'll start in on bowl making this week.

J's page continues to be woefully neglected. I uploaded new videos tonight, and will have to link them over the next few days to the blog.

My initial pilot experiments at work have done well, so the goal for this week is to shift gears a bit, do some reading on B cell subsets, and hoe in on a separate line of experiments.

various items

2010-01-08T19:31:00.002-05:00

Over lunch, I attended a seminar on love and logic parenting. It was not an unfamiliar concept; I'd read some very similar strategies in the happiest toddler on the block. The basic concept is to get on the kid's side by immediately empathizing with him when he makes a mistake or misbehaves, and helping him to own his choices and mistakes without any anger on the parent's part. What really strikes me is how applicable the strategy is in dealing with anyone, really, no matter the age, no matter the context.

After lunch, I attended a safety training so that I could become a member of the Stanford Ceramics Studio. I now have a key to the studio, a designated shelf space, and will be taking evening class there twice a week. I am SO SO SO excited about this. I learned how to throw pots in college, and did 2 semesters worth of ceramics at MIT as well. My goals for the quarter are:

- remember how to throw a pot. I imagine I'll end up with lots of funny looking mugs that I'll give away as gifts.
- make a set of rice bowls for home
- make a set of bowls and maybe plates for my brother in law and his girlfriend
- make a teapot and teacups
- make something for a wedding present (another teapot? sushi plates? vase? a pretty serving bowl? a pitcher? I dunno. Maybe I'll ask the couple what they would like most.)

progress

2010-01-08T00:02:00.003-05:00

School:
- a major chunk of my data from the past 2 years is now in presentable form.
- need to incorporate the fall's ICC data into my summary as well, but that's less formidable of a task.
- there will likely be movement on three different interesting fronts, so it's looking good for having preliminary data for new projects for my February committee meeting.

so school = good.

hobbies:
- First attempt at pinafore is almost complete: I ran out of one color thread, went to the store and procured it, then promptly ran out of the other color thread and stuff got busy with lab data crunch... so there are 5 more inches of hemming to do and it's done.
- to keep myself from sinking tons of money into this sewing thing, I am only getting fabric scraps (which are a small fraction of the original cost). So most of my projects are pending until I get the requisite colors.
- got into the ceramics class with one of my friends, and that starts Monday. So. Excited.
- updated J's photos up to November. God I am so behind on that.

so hobbies = potentially good, but stalled. Gee, sleep and school are taking priority? I would never have guessed.

a few short term goals

2010-01-01T19:52:00.002-05:00

a) start on the dress that I've been meaning to make for Rae.
a.2) stop by Joanne's this weekend to look for cute fabric scraps om sale to snag for various sewing projects

b) start drawing out ideas for other kid's stuff. these include
- crocodile hat
- thor, batman, the flash hats
- appliques for girl dresses
- the snap on bib thing (a la bibsandmatch.) Gotta figure out what material to make the bibs out of, though.

c) update Julian's Blog. I am months behind on photos, and I have more videos stashed on Youtube to post on there.

d) figure out a good etsy shop name. Maybe if I actually do this, and I could justify re-subscribing to WoW if I actually sell stuff.

e) finish reanalyzing all my ELISA control data and put it in presentable form for my February thesis committe meeting. Yikes!

Some Resolutions

2010-01-01T19:11:00.001-05:00

I've neglected this blog for quite awhile, and I think I will start it up again, with the intent of keeping track of a few resolutions.

- never leave data uncrunched longer than a week. From here on out, Friday is reserved solely for crunching numbers from my week's experiments. ALL OF IT MUST BE DONE BEFORE THE WEEKEND.

- Go with my gut feeling. This applies to Everything. I think a large number of my problems this year can be traced back to me not following my gut, and refusing to ...

- Speak Up.

- Pick up and put away at least one thing every day before leaving a room. This applies to my desk and labspace as well. I've been resolving to do this every year for, oh, half a decade. Let's see if this one sticks.

- Listen. Especially to Julian. Now that he is learning to talk, and is so much more communicative, I don't want to tune him out. There's a reason that people (toddlers) get irritated and cranky; they need to be listened and validated. Myself included.

- Talk. Cultivate those friendships that have been neglected the past 2 years.

- Enjoy. Specifically:
- get cracking on the photography
- make a set of bowls in ceramics class for us, for the brother-in-law, make a teapot
- explore that sewing kick I've been on the past few weeks, and think about starting an etsy shop.

2009-02-09T23:17:00.003-05:00

Today, Julian is 5 months old. Every day, he looks more and more like his father. Apparently, his behavior and development are a lot like his father too.... in that he has a voracious appetite, is an early teether (both bottom teeth had appeared by 21 weeks, and I suspect he is working on the upper two now), and is already showing signs of trying to figure out how to crawl. Thankfully, his crazy quick weight gain has slowed down (by our bathroom scale, today he is 19lb 9oz) or else we'd have gargantuan baby in a few weeks time.

These days, Julian is an absolute delight to hang out with; he grins, he coos, he laughs up a storm. I have absolutely no regrets about deciding to have a baby while in grad school. However, our finances are not exactly so happy. While I was applying to grad school and pondering the question of why there are so few women in academics past the ph.d., I think I was accurate in pinpointing the whole baby question as a huge culprit. What I did not consider, however, is the immense financial strain a kid is in a metropolitan area. Infant daycare in the bay area is just insane. What we are paying for 5 full days a week of daycare is more than the rent on our first 1 bedroom apartment in Palo Alto, well over half my grad student stipend. When you consider that most grad students who are coupled off are with other grad students, I don't know how anyone has kids while they are students. The only way it can be afforded is if grandparents are in the immediate neighborhood (free daycare) or one is independently wealthy. Robin has a good job, and we're just barely staying in the black.

I guess I answered my own question there. My schedule is flexible enough that I can be home for Julian when I need to be, but Robin and I will be packing our lunches and not eating out much until he gets a decent raise.... and in this financial environment, that won't be for awhile.

things I have learned about baby care in the first 3 months

2008-12-08T16:14:00.003-05:00

I was writing a card to a friend who is expecting a baby in a couple months, and realized that some of the advice I was giving was worth putting down here as well.

- Even if you aren't going to cloth diaper, get a pile of prefolds. Those things soak up liquid like no one's business! Use them for burping, and for covering every surface the baby lies on, cause babies leak from practically every orifice. And keep them handy for diaper changes, cause YES, he WILL pee as soon as the diaper comes off. Speaking of which....
- Peepee Teepees don't work. I don't speak from specific experience, but lemme tell you, there is serious force behind baby piss. I laid a baby wipe on top of my son, and he peed... and the stream went THROUGH the wipe, and up a full inch above it. A Peepee Teepee would go flying.
- Humidifiers are useful both for moisture, and as a source of white noise to lull baby to sleep.
- Slings = insta-nap. I like the Maya wrap, or any other ring sling for newborns. Now that Julian's quite a bit bigger, we've moved on to a Kangaroo Korner pouch.
- Take advantage of baby's suck reflex - there's a reason pacifiers exist. It's like baby opium, totally calms them down. If you are convinced that pacifiers are evil, then you could also use a finger if desperate.
- Babies are adept at picking up your mood. Try to be cool and collected even if he is FREAKING OUT. If you are freaking out yourself, and just need to cry for a bit (totally ok!) give the baby to someone else to hold for a bit.
- Turn your cell phones off after 8pm to guarantee you and your partner a less interrupted night.
- Put a size reference in photos of your baby. I saw a series of photos of someone's baby next to a loaf of bread, and really wish I had done that.

Hope

2008-11-08T06:01:00.004-05:00

Julian -

You turned 8 weeks old on quite a momentous day - Election Day 2008. Your father and I voted, as we have in the past two elections, but this one was different. It wasn't just that the guy who won happens to be half black, or that he is a Democrat, or even that his election triggered massive celebrations in the streets all over the country, and even the globe.

It was that we voted with your future foremost in our minds.

I was brought to tears as we watched the news coverage of the crowds cheering in Times Square and Grant Park, but mostly because I was hugging your father, with you in snug in a sling in between us.

Hope is a much stronger word, now that you're here with us, little one.

Discovering/remembering muscle movements

2008-10-29T15:37:00.004-04:00

Julian is learning to smile; he is most likely to start grinning first thing in the morning, and in general, after he eats. It's very different from his little gas smiles from previous weeks; these grins open up his mouth, and crunch up his eyes. The first couple of times he smiled like this, we startled him by cheering and shouting at him. Now, he grins at us all the time, and it's SO CUTE.

In the meantime, I am officially allowed to exercise again, and tried to ride my bike the 10 minutes to the Caltrain. It took 15 minutes, and I was nearly dead by the time I got there. I shouldn't have been so surprised... I hadn't even broken into a jog/run since, oh, sometime late July. Of course I am horribly out of shape!

milk issues

2008-10-17T22:23:00.004-04:00

First, a hilarious photo of the men in my life. I wonder if Julian will decide to imitate Robin's scorn towards cameras once he has conscious control of his facial expressions.

I am both allergic to milk and lactose intolerant. Thankfully, these conditions are on the mild end; I can still eat cheese and yogurt and ice cream without much consequence. I just can't drink milk straight. As such, I'm not used to the taste of plain milk; I have never liked lactaid, or goat's milk. So when Julian was born, it was very weird to suddenly be a milk spout. I know I know, cow's milk does not equal human breast milk, but it sure looks similar.

Unfortunately, it seems that Julian is sensitive to my breastmilk when I eat dairy products. So I am now abstaining from my daily cheese/yogurt intake. This is not too huge of a deal. However, since becoming pregnant, I have a newfound appreciation for ice cream. The idea of not being able to eat ice cream filled me with angst.

So I decided to take a hint from PETA. I already had plenty of expressed breastmilk in the freezer and fridge, including a bag of milk that was expressed before I stopped eating cheese, and couldn't give to Julian anyways. If this stuff is good for my baby to eat, why can't I eat it? So we made a batch of vanilla ice cream. And it is delicious.

adjusting

2008-10-02T20:55:00.004-04:00

Julian is 3 weeks and 2 days old, and we're all still adjusting. Every few days, as Julian grows, the game keeps changing. I like to think that his extreme activity in utero prepared me for interrupted sleep, but every once in awhile, we have a rough and weird night. The first or second night we were home from the hospital, Robin woke me to feed Julian and I did not even recognize him as my own baby; I groggily asked "why are you giving me Joe Biden?" (I was clearly listening to too much NPR.) Last night, Julian was waking to feed every 1.5-2 hours instead of every 3 hours, as I had gotten used to over the past week, and my body did not like it. At one point, I woke to his crying, and it took me 2 minutes to remember that he needed to be fed. (At least I recognized him as my own son!)

The most interesting side effect of me nesting with Julian is watching the big things happen in the world on as Robin, Julian, and I deal with dirty diapers and midnight feedings. It reminds me of college all over again; what a bubble we are in! Hurricanes, financial meltdowns, political machinations.... There are big adjustments going on in the world, in parallel with the smaller ones affecting my new little family. I hope that it will be a better world for Julian, in the end.

and then there were three

2008-09-17T09:10:00.004-04:00

It had been a running joke amongst Robin's family that Julian would be born on 9/9; after all, Robin's grandpa was born on 1/1, Robin's dad on 8/8, Robin on 10/10... and sure enough, Robin's son waited 4 days past due date, to be born on 9/9 (in labor and delivery room 9, no less). My parents were thrilled with the date as well, as 9/9/08 are good numbers in the Chinese language; 9 sounfd like forever, 8 sounds like prosper. Interestingly, the Chinese name we chose for him, Wing-Kei, means "forever, rare jade".

Labor was maybe 20 hours, with an epidural about 12 hours in; that almost seemed like cheating, as it turned labor into a simple waiting game, but I'm so glad I got it. The Lucille Packard hospital staff was absolutely wonderful; every doctor and nurse with whom we interacted with was so patient, so nice, and it made our hospital stay a really positive experience.

Robin has been, of course, a great partner and father. The first day after birth, while I was really
out of it, he completely took over taking care of Julian. To this day, over a week later, he still changes almost every diaper (and boy are there a ton of diapers... glad we are doing cloth, I shudder to think about the sheer volume of disposable diapers one child would contribute to a landfill). Robin has one more week off work, then 2 weeks on half time; I will really miss him when he's back to work full time.

As for me, recovery has been, as I anticipated, harder than labor (the lack of sleep doesn't help) but is going smoothly. Julian eats like a champ, so the wacky schedule is worth it. It's really nice to be able to roll over in bed again. And I wish I'd had these sized breasts 10 years ago!

I head back to school when Julian is 6 weeks old, and my mother will take care of him till he is 10 weeks old, at which point he heads to daycare. While I am absolutely loving this new little man in my life, I am also looking forward to getting back into a (likely scaled back till New Year's) routine in lab. In the weeks immediately prior to Julian's birth, I was slightly worried that I might want to quit my ph.d. pursuit after he arrived, which would be a shame, given how much effort I and my thesis advisors have already put into it. But, a week post partum, I can definitely detect that I miss science, and I am sure that I will not lack the motivation to work on my thesis. In a way, I am really thankful that the desire to work is still there. My life is obviously changed, and I fully embrace motherhood. But the other aspects of who I am are still there, I'm still Wedge. Which is great; I rather like who I was and what life was like before I was pregnant, and Julian's arrival is only making it better.

5 weeks to go, 5 year anniversary

2008-08-01T20:36:00.001-04:00

I've known Robin for almost 11 years now. Tomorrow, we will have been married for 5 of those years. /boggles

What a crazy, wonderful 5 years it's been! While we've always known we wanted kids, I'm grateful that I've had these 5 years to enjoy just being with him. We haven't traveled extensively or anything, but I do feel like we've really lived these past 5 years. Of course, I'll probably think, after the mouse is born, that "how could we have lived before this baby came?"

Robin's been especially supportive and amazing these past 2 weeks, as I've grown increasingly bigger, more uncomfortable, and emotional. He's moved his schedule around so that he can drop me off at the train in the morning, and pick me up in the afternoon. As I've become less and less mobile (I am apparently one of the lucky women with especially bad pelvic pain), he has, without a word of complaint, picked up most of the housework, retrieved dropped items (a common occurrence as I get more and more clumsy)... he even helps me roll over and get out of bed. But most importantly, he makes me feel so much better on the days I get discouraged and upset at the line of random people who, upon seeing me, ask if I'm due next week. (I have 5 more weeks to go!) I might come home feeling huge, uncomfortable, and irritated, but by the time I go to bed, he always makes me feel beautiful and happy.

I hope the mouse grows up knowing what a lucky guy he is, to have Robin for a dad.

about 2 months to go....

2008-07-07T23:53:00.003-04:00

After 10 years of maintaining almost the exact same figure and weight (I still have some high school clothes that I fit into as of last fall), it's very bizarre to have gained 30% of my original body weight in the space of 7 months. Only about 4 lbs of that is baby! Many people have told me that I don't look like I've gained anywhere but my belly, and I wonder if they are all lying or if the belly just blinds everyone else to other parts of my body. My parents, upon seeing pictures of me, say I look healthier than ever as my face is actually filled out, which cracks me up. Robin just calls me fat before kissing me and my belly. At least he's honest.

The mouse has continued his daily and nightly acrobatics, leading me to suspect he's going to be an extremely active kid. He spends most of the day attempting to jam his feet straight up into my ribs, and most of the night flinging his arms and legs outwards simultaneously, pushing out at the sides of my belly. The only thing that seems to calm him down at night are voices; mine, Robin pressed up against my belly, or our clock radio next to my stomach with NPR turned on. The latter is most useful when I'm trying to get to sleep. I'm looking forward to him waking Robin up and not just me.

pros and cons

2008-06-14T12:37:00.003-04:00

pro - People don't look at me wacky when I eat a lot (to be honest, I don't think I am eating that much more than I usually do, I've always had a large appetite and quick metabolism.)

con - the mouse is getting big enough that he is squishing my stomach, so I can't really fit enough food in me in one sitting to feel satisfied.

pro - my pregnancy has been quite normal and healthy so I am able to travel to 2 weddings next month, even though I've officially hit third trimester.

con - I have to find a dress to wear that won't make me look like a circus tent.

cons - I think I have heartburn, I have to sleep with a gajillion pillows all around me to keep my pelvis from being agonizingly painful during the day, my ankles are swelling, I feel like a furnace which isn't helped by the summer heat, any sort of physical exertion seems to trigger Braxton Hicks contractions, I can barely reach my feet now.

Big Fat Pro - WE'RE REALLY HAVING A BABY! He kicks and squirms all day long to assure me he's there, and he's growing, and I'm pretty much on cloud 9.

it's a boy

2008-04-29T21:18:00.003-04:00

And a very active one at that. I spend much of my day at lab, feeling him thump me whenever I am sitting at my bench, or at my desk, and then spend much of my evening laying on the couch with my shirt tucked up, so I can watch my belly quiver and quake as he dances.

(ultrasound at 19 weeks)

Nokia N800 review

2008-03-07T00:11:00.002-05:00

When I first received the N800 for trial, it had an older version of OS installed (I can't recall what version) which was VERY buggy. Specifically, it would have some major hiccup issues with usernames and passwords. For one particular site, I accidentally saved an incorrect password, and it absolutely would not let me manually enter the correct one: I had to go to the options and clear all my saved passwords. However, I flashed the latest OS2008 onto it, and that seemed to correct these issues.

In general, the device is pleasant to use. It feels great in my hand. The sound effects are cute, not at all irksome like some default windows sounds. It was really convenient to use while I was sick on the couch, and unable to rest a laptop on my lap/stomach. My brother in law and I had particular fun with the marble game; we spent a whole day passing the N800 between each other, attempting to solve new levels. I was also able to open up pdfs of journal articles that I wanted to read and peruse it on the train to school.

There are a few fundamental issues that detracted from the utility of this device. The main thing is that it requires wireless, which is not always accessible where I live... even in Mountain View, GoogleWifi just flat out sucks. The majority of the places that I could connect were places where I already had access to a computer. If the N800 connected via satellite, its utility would go way up. The other limitation was it's input method. Ultimately, I found myself frustrated by the touch keyboard and the handwriting recognition. Perhaps it is me, but those types of input are too slow. Having a keyboard would make text much faster to input, and increase the N800's potential as a communication device away from your computer. Additionally, while the little webcam is super cool, I ended up not using it because the one person I know who uses video chat uses MSN, which I don't think the software could connect to.

conclusion: The N800 is great for opening up pdfs when you have wireless access, then keeping it open and reading stuff on the train. It's good for surfing by clicking. Because of lack of button keyboard, it's not so great for communication unless you're better than I am at touch keyboard/writing recognition. This device would be more awesome if it connected via satellite. It's certainly a fun toy, but needs a few improvements to be a truly versatile tool.

a long delay

2008-03-06T14:43:00.002-05:00

I've been meaning to write up a long post since beginning of January. After I got my thesis proposal finished, I was given the opportunity to trial a Nokia N800 wireless handheld device. I love little toys as much as the next nerd, so I definitely had fun with that. But getting around to writing the review and sending it back has been a challenge.... because Robin and I have been EXTREMELY distracted since the New Year.

yup. After more than 10 years of being a couple, and 4 years of marriage, we're finally having a baby! Our little "mouse" is due to arrive around September 5.

January and February were simultaneously exciting and frustrating. I've had no complications to speak of, and the "mouse" is developing just fine. But I've had pretty terrible morning sickness, which put a major damper on my productivity. It's been a struggle to keep up with my one class, and to do any labwork at all (which is really frustrating since I'm finally getting to start on my thesis work). But this week, I seem to finally be in the clear.

So stay tuned! I'll have a review of the N800 up by the end of the day, and updates on the "mouse" when they come!

2007-12-13T17:09:00.000-05:00

I did the first (and hardest) part of my thesis proposal defense yesterday; a 1 hour oral presentation to 2 out of the 3 profs on my committee. That was followed by 3 hours worth of lab meetings - I guess that's what I get for joining two labs, not just one. After that, I met with one of my advisors. And after that many hours straight of science.... I'm still really really excited about doing my projects.

I know, I know, I still have about 4 more years of grad school during which to completely wear myself out on the subject. But it's so gratifying, after a month of stressing out and reading and working hard, I still want to be here, and I still want to do science. This whole thing has been a validating experience, which I did not anticipate.

2007-11-27T22:58:00.000-05:00

As you might have guessed from the lack of posts, school is keeping me busy. At this moment, I am sitting at my kitchen table with a cup of wine, working on my thesis proposal, which is due in about a week, which will be followed by a 1 hour proposal defense. In the meantime, we've moved into our new home, painted 2.5 rooms, installed a new stove, acquired some new furniture, scheduled a handyman to alter our closet for a washer/dryer, purchased and moved a piano, and attended Robin's cousin's bat mitzvah on the East Coast. I've also gone on three trips to scientific meetings, been sporadically crocheting hats with kitty ears for cousins and friends, applied for two fellowships, and been doing my best to keep up with WoW guild officer duties. Whew!

All in all, I've managed to keep my head above water. I'm really looking forward to having time to enjoy life with Robin again. Last week, as we were driving home from a potluck Thanksgiving feast, Robin grabbed my hand and said "I'm thankful for you." I wish I felt like someone to be thankful for, I do nothing but work or whine about work these days! So here's hoping I can get my work done in a timely fashion such that I can really feel like I deserve Robin's praise!

2007-08-02T14:08:00.000-04:00

So far, it's been a hectic, stressful summer. But I've passed my written quals, finished rotation presentations, and started in my thesis labs. I've had the support of so many people, my labmates, my classmates, my friends. Most importantly, Robin has kept me steady and moving, as he always has the entire time I've known him.

I've known Robin for almost 10 years now. We've been through 4 years of college, a master's degree, a ph.d., 2 cross country moves, 3 cats, and various family crises on both sides. Together, we bought the first car I've ever owned, and just yesterday, we got the keys to our first home, a 2 bedroom condo here in the Bay Area.

Last night, when we finally were both home from work/school, we packed up our first boxes to bring to our new home. At the last second, I pulled our Ketubah down from the wall. We were really happy with our Ketubah; not because of any religious significance, but because it is a beautiful symbol of our two families coming together, and of the new family that we have formed. So it seemed appropriate to place this symbol in our first home, on the eve of our 4th wedding anniversary.

Robin, thank you for encouraging me to be my best, supporting me when I'm at my worst, and being such a blast to be with. Happy 4th Anniversary, love, and may we have many many more!

2007-03-09T14:40:00.000-05:00

I'm nearing the end of my second quarter back in grad school, and so far, so good. I'm certainly not making the sort of money I could be making if I'd just headed into industry right after I finished my MSME, but I think this is a damned good gig. I'm getting my tuition paid for at a first class university, and being paid to do nothing but learn things about a subject that I think is fascinating.

The next step, figuring out how to identify interesting problems and actually solve them, that's a bit more intimidating. That gets tied in with social responsibility and science, which I also find to be an interesting topic. Should researchers really be recreating polio virus? How vocal should we be when it comes to government policies that are affected by the science we do? Does the public even trust scientific opinion? With the current environment (so many labs are having money trouble because of the current administration's cuts on NIH funding), I wonder if I will be taken seriously by the very people that I want to help with immunology research. What good is finding an interesting problem when it won't get funded?

On the home front, it looks like Yuna is growing (slowly) to be a petite cat; she's about 6 months old, but is definitely smaller than Wirt was at her age. I know she still has some time before she stops lengthening, but she really is leeeetle; her head is teensy, and I've the impression that kittens grow into their heads. It would certainly be amusing to have Yuna (who's maybe 6 pounds after eating) paired up with Wirt the 15 pounder.

the new baby

2006-11-23T16:04:00.000-05:00

On Oct. 7, we took little Yuna home with us. She was just shy of 5 weeks. She is almost 12 weeks old now, and it's amazing how much she has grown in a little over a month. We've taught her to eat solid food, drink from a water bowl (took a long time of her snuffling water up her nose!), and watched her develop from a little wobbly thing into a very active, healthy little girl.

Introducing her to Wirt was a rather hilarious endeavor. After the first tentative sniffs and hisses, Wirt allowed Yuna to wobble over to him... and she promptly attempted to suckle some milk. Which he didn't likes so much! Wirt's immense size also complicates things... he's at least 15 lbs of pure muscle, and if he gets excited, he can be way too rough when playing. But Yuna and Wirt absolutely adore each other now; when they're not tussling on the floor, they're wrapped in each other's arms, grooming each other.

Our cross country trip

2006-11-23T15:45:00.000-05:00

We packed our lives up in this crate, which was delivered to our door about 4 days before we drove off. Everything was placed in there, except our computers, 1 suitcase of clothes, the cat, an air mattress, and some blankets. We didn't quite fill it to the very top, but we did come pretty close.

We set off at 8am, with the aforementioned items carefully packed into our Prius. Poor Wirt didn't have a lot of room to move around, and he ended up spending the great majority of the trip sprawled out in between our seats.

The first two days of our journey was pretty boring; we drove pretty much continuously till nightfall to Toledo, then to Sioux Falls. Around noon on the third day, we passed through the Badlands, which were blazing hot and amazing.

We couldn't really walk around much, else poor Wirt would have baked in the black car. At least we were traveling in style!

The scenery remained majestic as we passed into Wyoming. I thought of Laura when I saw this ridge.

The fourth day we spent exploring Yellowstone. By this point, Wirt was pretty used to being let out of the car for short spells on his leash. We took him out for a few minutes to see if he might like the grass, but I think there was too much new stuff to smell, and he hurried back to the car.

I did manage to capture this image of him, which is I think my favorite photo of him ever.

Since the weather was much cooler, we were able to leave Wirt in the car for 30 minute spurts and do some more walking around. Having grown up in the vast suburb that runs from Boston to DC, the sheer immensity of open space was nearly overwhelming. It was breathtaking, and I really hope that someday Robin and I can return with camping gear and really do some exploring.

Of course, there was the obligatory collision course of nature with tourism.

The fifth day, we passed the Grand Tetons into Nevada.

Finally, at around lunchtime of the sixth day, we arrived in Palo Alto. Not bad, for having spent a whole day in Yellowstone.

Medblogging

2006-09-13T00:01:00.000-04:00

well, Robin and I are moved and settled in. Living in CA is so very different from our life in Boston, there are too many things to list.

I've been asked to participate in Stanford Med school's Student Blog project, in which incoming students blog about their transition into Stanford. So I've been doing a little posting there.

Photos from our roadtrip across the USA are forthcoming... still have to photo process.

2006-08-04T15:45:00.000-04:00

Today's the beginning of the end. My official last day as a research lab tech at my MGH lab. In less than 2 weeks, Robin and I will head off to Palo Alto in our new Prius, cat in tow.

Many things are on my mind. I'm relieved because I finished making the 4 clones I've been working on for over 2 months. I'm sad because I'm leaving behind labmates that I like, whom I have enjoyed working with, and who have taught me a lot. I'm grateful because I've had an amazing mentor for the past year and a half who has been supportive and just wonderful to learn from.

But most of all, I'm amazed at *how much* I have learned. Yes, I've learned how to do ELISAs, use an RNAi library, stimulate immune cells, lyse cells and run IPs/gels and western blots, assay via FACS, stain and plate cells for microscopy, cut DNA with restriction enzymes, ligate DNA into vectors, transform and grow bacteria, do quantitative PCR, mini/midi/maxiprep DNA, among many other things. But more importantly, I know WHY I did all those things, understand how they work, why I might want to do them, how to vary conditions, etc etc etc. I feel like I have the biological equivalent of a machine shop at my disposal; I can go to any lab, pick a problem, and start dissecting it.

I'm armed and ready. Grad school, here I come.

Gender and Science

2006-07-13T14:21:00.000-04:00

I met Prof. Barres at my Stanford interview weekend; he gave a talk about the new Master of Medicine program (which I came very close to applying to, it sounds like a fantastic setup). It also turns out that he is a friend of my current boss. Small world.

In any case, he just had a piece published in Nature that is stirring up some controversy. He has the unique position of understanding what it is like to be a woman as well as a man in science; he used to be a she. (and no, when I met him, I had absolutely no idea of that.)

My rant on why there aren't more women in science only touched the tip of the iceberg. I was thinking along the lines of support for the women who do manage to make it. There's still a long way to go to help those who are capable but never even get that far.

*ETA* apologies to those who cannot get a free copy of the article. A summary of it can be found here

Sophie, March 1998 - May 16, 2006

2006-05-16T23:54:00.000-04:00

It started with a notice on the computer server I used for email, a notice that kittens were old enough to find a home. My best friend's girlfriend wanted to see them, so that afternoon, we went and visited the litter of 7. I picked up the tiny white fluffball, who promptly fell asleep in my lap. I was smitten. 2 days later, Sophie came home in Robin's shirt pocket.

Today, she rode the T tucked into my jacket, to the vet where we had to put her to sleep. The sun came out for our venture out of the house, and most of the way there, she poked her head out and watched the world around her. As we left the vet empty handed, the heavens poured down around us. Cliche, but it made me feel better.

She was my first pet. She was the first creature to utterly depend on me for sustenance, for affection. Even though all her short life, Robin and I have basically lived together, she has always been *my* kitty.

She used to sleep nestled beneath my armpit, just as I nestled in Robin's. She used to drink out of my water glass if I wasn't careful about putting it away. Sophie the bug hunter would chirrup in excitement as she exterminated flies, spiders, ants. She even ate corn off the cob, putting her paws on the cob just so. She was SO fluffy, with hair as soft as a bunny's, with tufts of fur sprouting between her toes. She always had trouble with hardwood floors, as her furry paws would just slide all over them. And her blue eyes were just amazing. It was her blue eyes that first drew me to her, and they were gorgeous till the very end.

Sophie was always there to comfort me when I was sick, when I was lonely. She was my princess, and I was so proud of her sweetness, her gentleness.

When Robin and I came to the decision that she was too sick to go on, I cried for hours, I wondered if I should have never adopted her in the first place because the thought of losing her so suddenly was more than I could take. But now I think of all the joy she has given me (and I hope I have been a good mommy for her) and I realize it was worth it. I have kept her tummy full, her body warm, and her days filled with snuggles. I hope that cat heaven has an overabundance of all these things for her.

2006-04-17T16:27:00.000-04:00

Trees are bursting into colors, and every evening the T is swamped with Red Sox fans. In the mornings, Wirt perches on the windowsill and watches the birds. Robin and I open the office window in the evenings.

The seasons are changing, and it makes me that much more conscious of our cross country move (tentatively slated for August). I will miss the esplanade, the cross-river view of the Boston skyline, the ease with which I can navigate the city without a car, the thrill of walking through Harvard and MIT (yes, it still makes me tingle), and I'll even miss Red Sox nation. Boston has been a good home these 5 years.

Now that we're planning to leave, I have all sorts of things I want to do. I want to take advantage of Haymarket for the last few months. I want to visit the MFA for a day. We still haven't been to a Boston Pops concert at the Hatch Shell. and I don't think Robin has been to a Red Sox game. I wonder if the MIT boathouse still has my card, and if I could get away with sailing on the river one more time.

drumroll

2006-04-03T00:11:00.000-04:00

We're going back to CA.... Stanford, here I come.

almost over (will edit as news comes in)

2006-03-14T12:06:00.000-05:00

Accepted:
-Harvard Immunology
-Stanford Immunology
-UW MCB
-Johns Hopkins Immunology

interviewed, waitlisted:
-MIT BE

interviewed, still waiting on response:
-GWU IBS

interviewed, but rejected:
-UW Immunology
-Harvard Sys Bio

rejections:
-UCSF
-MIT CSBi
-Johns Hopkins BME
-Georgetown Microbiology/Immunology

I'm a tad confused about the pattern of being turned down by bioengineering programs, but accepted to immunology. This mechanical engineer is feeling quite loved by the biology community as opposed to the biomedical engineers. Who knew? I'm not complaining, though. At Stanford/Harvard/Hopkins, I'd still have access to the computational courses in other programs, and do my thesis in the area that I'd apply these things to. That said, MIT BE is a more complete package, having immunology faculty as well as the coursework in one bundle.

Overall, I'm thrilled with my options. Now comes the hard part; deciding.

the weaker sex...

2006-02-21T14:28:00.000-05:00

Looks like Larry Summers is finally resigning. I can't say I'm surprised. He sure made a mess of things PR wise. But whether you think he was right or he was wrong, one very good thing has come out of this situation; the academic community is working even harder to make things better for women in science.

Given that I've been actively working towards going to grad school for more than a year, and that I am 26, I've given a lot of thought to the whole "women in science" issue. It is my impression that most incoming grad students are no more than a year or two out of college, and not married. Therefore, having been out of college for 5 years, out of grad school for 3, and married for almost 3, my focus is a bit different from the typical incoming grad student. I'm beginning to wonder if maybe that is part of the problem.

There are always exceptions to the rule, but by far the majority of science students finish their ph.d. in their late 20's. By then, the biological clock is ticking pretty strongly (forgive the cliche). Additionally, one becomes more aware of any sexual bias in the field, since graduate studies revolve around the lab instead of in classes. Combine those two factors, and the harsh road that leads to tenure, and it's no wonder that women like Amber Post are opting to turn away from academia. Why should we subject ourselves to being ignored by our peers because of our sex, to wrangling for maternity leave and feeling societal pressure to be primary caretakers of our children, in addition to the normal grind of being in academia? It's much simpler to opt out. Even my own mother, who has always wanted me to succeed in science, told me last year that "one ph.d. in a family is good enough" and advised me to take the easy route.

I'm not saying that a woman in her young 20's doesn't realize such a dilemma exists. But I don't think one can really comprehend it until one has reached the point where one can actually start planning for a family. Which I have. Don't get me wrong; I'm not implying that I am some font of wisdom. It's just that there are some things you can't comprehend till it happens. A couple I know lost their child halfway through pregnancy. I certainly feel some amount of empathy for them; I want to have a family, and I can imagine what a horrible blow this must be. But I dare not say I KNOW how they feel.

So I imagine that the majority of women start their ph.d.'s without really thinking hard about the issue until they're almost done. By then, it's too late; they're bitter about being treated differently, they're unused to thinking about the family vs career dilemma which till then was only a phantom of the future, and there isn't a sufficient setup to accomodate women starting families and careers simultaneously. And so most women finish their ph.d's, and leave.

Unlike other science grad students in their late 20's, I *haven't* started my ph.d. yet. And so coupled with the disadvantages (being limited to certain cities because of Robin's job possibilities, having to readjust to student life), is the advantage of some additional foresight. We know we want to start a family before I'm 30. We know we want to find a community that is friendly towards people like us. I know to be keeping an eye out for universities that have safety nets for its women grad students, which are cognizant of the choices we have to be making.

I couldn't help but notice that Amber Post is at Princeton... I have heard that the environment at Princeton can be old-school, misogynistic. Would she have chosen to attend if she'd started at age 25? I'm not saying that all women who want to go into science should wait till they are older to start their degrees. However, I think that this situation does behoove those who ARE older, those who are already in academic positions, to think a bit more about where they choose to work, such that we can begin to foster better communities for women in science. In that manner, places which aren't as friendly are either forced to change, or fade away.

the trickle becomes a flood

2006-01-30T17:45:00.000-05:00

This morning, I received a phone call from a Harvard Immunology professor to congratulate me on my acceptance to their program. And this afternoon, I spoke to a Johns Hopkins Immunology professor about interviewing at their campus.

That makes 6 interviews, 1 recruitment weekend, and 1 rejection thus far. 4 more programs to hear from.

I had my first interview last Friday at Harvard Systems Biology. It's a very new program (they have their first students in their first year right now) with many young professors from a large variety of backgrounds. A lot of exciting work is being done there, and the atmosphere is very collaborative and open. I really enjoyed the day.

I have a feeling this decision is going to be very hard to make. True, I applied to a LOT of programs, but I thought pretty hard about each and every one. They all have their strong points, and I'm genuinely excited about every single interview.

I'm still pinching myself to find out if this is all some crazy dream. A mechanical engineer being accepted to Harvard Immunology???? Holy Crapola.

update on interviews

2006-01-18T17:33:00.000-05:00

I've got 2 more interviews.... UW Immunology and Stanford Immunology! Now I've got all cities covered. It's going to be a crazy month and a half coming up.....

And the news comes trickling in....

2006-01-13T16:10:00.000-05:00

It's only been about a month since my first grad school application deadlines, not even 2 weeks since the later ones, and I'm already hearing back from some schools.

Out of 12 programs (yes, I applied to 12 programs, at 8 different schools), I've heard from 4. In chronological order:

1) UCSF flat out rejected me. To be honest, I wasn't surprised... one page of the application asked for all my letter grades from undergraduate in biology, chemistry, psychology, and other things I either did poorly in, or didn't even take. It can't be good when you declare you got a C- in the sole bio class you took in undergrad. My friends reassured me that my 93 percentile score on the Bio GRE should make up for it, but the page just looked TERRIBLE.

2) University of Washington (Molecular/Cellular Biology) was first to call for interviews. I'm heading to Seattle on Feb 8-11, then hanging out with college friends for a day before coming home.

3) This morning, Harvard Systems Biology contacted me for an interview. Lucky them, they don't have to transport or house me anywhere since I'm already in the Boston area. I'll be going out to dinner with other interviewees Jan 26, then having interviews on Jan 27 before the departmental evening party.

4) Minutes ago, I got a call from George Washington University (Microbiology/Immunology). I'm heading down to DC on Feb 16-18.

There are still 8 programs to hear from (one whose app deadline is Feb 1!), but already I've got interviews in 3 out of 4 cities that I was shooting for. Stanford, won't you call me too? You're my only hope in the Bay Area now that UCSF shot me down!

Of course, I still have to do well in the interview process before I actually am accepted, but it's really wonderful to know that I am indeed competitive in the field, even though I'm making a full switch from mechanical engineering. I feel very lucky to have had the opportunities that have come my way, and I am doing my best to take full advantage of them.

wedge status: ready to go...

2005-12-07T09:06:00.000-05:00

Sophie is curled up in my lap, eating cheerios that I drop on her as I try to finish up an essay.

My first application (Harvard) was submitted yesterday morning. By tomorrow, I'll be done with my second application (to UW molecular and cellular biology) and that will go in the mail so that it has a week to get across the country and make it before the deadline. By the end of the weekend, I should be done with my third application (Stanford) so that I can submit it online before the deadline on tuesday.

UCSF is due online the 20th, and most everything else is due Jan 1 or a little after. But I think by the end of next week, I can be done with it all.

Every morning now, I take my vitamins, eat my breakfast, and cuddle with Sophie as I work on my apps. I'm getting there, bit by bit, cheerio by cheerio. This part of the journey is almost over.... the next few months, though, are gonna be crazy I think. I'm ready for it... after all, I'm doing all the setup now, right?

2005-11-28T12:30:00.000-05:00

Robin and Sophie are famous! I submitted the photo a week ago, but completely forgot about it until I received this email from Robin:

So this morning one of the [TAs] asked me out of the blue whether I had a
cat. I responded with something like "Yeah, that is cat hair all over me."
However, it turns out she asked because she saw the picture you posted on
stuffonmycat.com.

Coincidentally, last night we bought a pommello at the supermarket, with the intention of making Wirt a kitty crash helmet. His head is a mite small but we'll manage somehow, I'm sure.

Massive Change (10 months late!)

2005-10-24T12:05:00.000-04:00

I wrote this up in January, but needed to upload a picture for it... which I didn't do until this past week. Better late than never, though.

Some friends and I went to the Massive Change exhibit at the Vancouver Art Museum. What is Massive Change? On the website, it says:

Design has emerged as one of the world's most powerful forces. It has placed us at the beginning of a new, unprecedented period of human possibility, where all economies and ecologies are becoming global, relational, and interconnected.

In order to understand and harness these emerging forces, there is an urgent need to articulate precisely what we are doing to ourselves and to our world. This is the ambition of Massive Change.

I believe that this project was started just as a book, but has since spawned the website linked above, and the art exhibit that I attended.

One of the neatest rooms of the exhibit attempted to quantify disparity of numbers concerning wealth and politics. Sections of wall were painted with numbers of different things, and balloons representing general orders of magnitude filled the 2 story room.

However, the most jarring image here (and in the entire exhibit, for that matter) was unintentional. A museum employee was teaching kids how to use a Segway. They probably chose the location because it was the biggest room of the exhibit. But he chose to spend most of his time beneath enormous letters that read "We Must Eradicate Poverty" ....

Now I know that technology is being developed to help eradicate poverty. But those things are more in the form of reliable, cheap energy sources, water purifiers, medications, etc etc. A Segway? How is a machine that enables someone to avoid expending effort to walk (cheapest mode of transport!) and costs several thousand dollars going to eradicate poverty?

How to Get Into Caltech for Undergrad part 2: no, really, how do I get in?

2005-10-17T15:29:00.000-04:00

All right, the part that I bet most students who read this are zooming straight to. How do you get into Caltech? What can I do to my application that will make my chances of admission higher?

The number one question at the Caltech Info session I attended revolved around test scores. "What kind of SAT score do I have to aim for?" Your SAT score and other standardized test scores probably mean squat, and are not indicators of how well you will do at Tech. I knew folks who got 1600 on their SAT's (this was before there were 3 parts to the test) and they flailed through all 4 years of Caltech. The Admissions committee knows this. So don't bother retaking the SAT a billion times to get that perfect score. If you scored relatively high, then that's all that matters... you just need to prove you are smart enough to take a test, not that you have mastered standardized testing.

The most important thing that you can show on your application is that you have challenged yourself as much as you possibly can with the resources around you. This means that you should have taken the most challenging classes at your school. If your school offers AP's in sciences, you should take them. Having gone to the community college nearby for classes that your high school doesn't offer is also a big plus.

Me, I went to a magnet program in high school, and I have a feeling that was a big factor in my admission. I sought out the hardest stuff I could do in my school district.... I took at least 7 science/math AP tests, and did pretty well. I ended up being an average student at Caltech. On the other hand, my husband took 3 science/math AP classes in high school because harder classes weren't offered. His high school science classes were a fraction of the difficulty of my classes. But he was admitted to Caltech early, had a much easier time grasping the concepts than I did, graduated with honors, and is now a graduate student at Harvard. I think that the admissions committee could see from the rest of his application that he was a hard worker.

This brings me to extracurriculars. What I said above about challenging yourself holds here as well. This is where I think my husband made his application. He was an Eagle Scout, and the section leader for the saxophones in his extremely successful high school marching band. Both those things took a lot of time and dedication and hard work.

Almost everyone I knew at Tech had something interesting to put in their extracurriculars. Some of us did research over the summers. (I think that's what got me in; I worked at Fort Monmouth for 3 summers doing engineering research.) Some of us goofed around and built wacky things with our friends (a friend of mine built a remote controlled submarine). None of us were simply classes classes classes. We challenged ourselves outside of school as well, and were able to juggle everything.

So those are the important things in your application. Which means that by the time you are a senior and are applying, there's very little you can actively do to pad your application. It all depends on the stuff you've already done.. have you taken the hard classes? Have you challenged yourself extracurricularly? It's a little late to fix that now! Great SAT scores won't make up for slacking off in school and doing nothing over summers but video games.

How to Get Into Caltech for Undergrad part 1: Do you belong at Caltech?

2005-10-17T14:47:00.000-04:00

I've been a bit immersed in application things lately; not only am I working on my own grad school applications, but I have been involved in advertising for Caltech admissions as well. The admissions office sent me a packet of information that they thought would be useful to disseminate, but I think my version of Caltech might differ a bit from theirs.

After attending a Caltech info session a week ago, I decided to write up my own blurb about who should go to Caltech, and how to get in. Please understand that this is my own opinion, and might not match up with other Techers or the admissions office... but I figure, I went to Tech, I might as well share what I know and you can decide what to believe.

Why should I know? Let me first tell you about me. I attended a science/engineering magnet program in high school, before attending Caltech from 1997-2001. I finished my BS in Engineering & Applied Sciences (concentration in Mechanical Engineering) a trimester early, and worked at the Jet Propulsion Lab for the remainder of the school year, doing initial mechanical design for the Mars Rover (yes, the one that is currently tooling around on Mars this very moment.) After Tech, I attended MIT and got my SM in Mechanical Engineering in 2003. At this time, I am working in the immunology lab of a Harvard professor, and am applying to Systems Biology/Immunology ph.d. programs.

So that's who I am. Who do I think belongs at Caltech?

You belong at Caltech if you know for certain that you want to be involved in science or math. Does labware give you a hard on? Love calculus? Think string theory is the neatest thing since sliced bread? You'll love it at Tech. No other university will challenge you harder in these disciplines, not even MIT.... what other place makes quantum physics mandatory for EVERYONE? And on top of the challenging classwork, there's no other place that has as many opportunities for undergraduate research, which is a very key thing for getting into grad school. I was generally an average student at Tech, but even I was able to get an internship at an immunology start-up, and then do design for the Mars Rover.

That said, if you are uncertain about what you are interested, if you have even the slightest leanings towards literature, history, art, you should stay away from Tech. Admissions likes to talk about how Tech has alternatives for those who find out that they don't want to do science, but really, what employer is interested in someone who has a history degree from Caltech? You'd be better off going somewhere with liberal arts program, so you can explore the other options, and make an informed decision in such a way that you are well prepared whether you do science or something else.

Another sore point is pre-meds. The Admissions office sent me a whole packet on how pre-meds at Tech have all these opportunities, etc, and how pre-meds would do awesome at Tech. Which I think is bullshit. Sure, the opportunities exist. There are plenty of volunteer opportunities at the nearby hospital, and you can definitely be involved in great research. However, from what I remember about classes, I have no idea how the pre-meds had any free time to spare for volunteering and all the other things you have to do as a pre-med. And let's face it, med school applications are about grades. How many pre-meds do you think are going to get A's in quantum physics? In linear algebra? I know several people who were pre-meds at Tech. The few that were super stars, who were extraordinarily talented, got into med school, and are doing fantastically. But I know of others who were average students and were rejected from med school, and years out from Tech are still trying to get in.

In summary, I wouldn't recommend going to Tech if you are dead set on being a doctor, or if you think you might be interested in humanities. But if you love science and math, then there's no better place to get your feet wet.

putting my money where my mouth is....

2005-09-02T10:29:00.000-04:00

Just last night, I was lamenting to Robin what a costly summer we've had. Our rent is up, vet expenses high because of the new kitten and the resulting illnesses of said kitten and Sophie, travel expenses from 2 trips, and now one of our computers seems hosed so THAT's going to be expensive. For a grad student and a lab tech, that's a lot of money.

But every morning, I am awakened by my clock radio set to NPR, and every morning, the story out of Louisiana gets more and more grim, and I wonder how I could possibly live in my own little world full of fuzzy cats, World of Warcraft, and pipettes, while so many people out there have lost EVERYTHING.

This morning, I made a donation to the Red Cross. I hate feeling like there's nothing else I can do (short of going to Louisiana and getting my hands dirty) but at least I can do that.

concerning control....

2005-08-15T12:25:00.000-04:00

Saturday morning, I was feeling a mite sheepish. Robin and I had flown down to Delaware for his second cousin's bat mitzvah. Towards the end of the service, Elana gave a short speech about some things she had learned. One of those was to learn to let go; you don't need to have the last word in an argument, you don't need to dwell on your mistakes, just move on.

I'd spent the night previous trying to do just that. I have been ramping back my World of Warcraft play time, but was laying awake worrying and stewing over how the alliances and social networks that I set up were doing without me. After 45 minutes of steaming over it, I finally told myself that I had to let go, and simply trust that those who had taken over leadership would do a good job without me. Let Go.

Here I am at 25, and I'm still struggling with lessons that a 13 year old can comprehend.

holding pattern...

2005-06-29T14:28:00.000-04:00

Robin has a year left till he gets his ph.d. Various friends are also plowing their way through grad school. A fair number have good jobs. Others are having babies, even second children. It feels like everyone is making major inroads to their careers or families.. except for me.

In a way, that's silly for me to say. I've completed a grad degree already. I'm on my second job since graduation, everything's been on my own terms, and I've burned no bridges, only opened up possibilities. I'm happily married to a fantastic guy. I have zero debt. I have a biology GRE book sitting on my kitchen table, and a Harvard professor in my back pocket for when I apply to grad school. I'm doing pretty damned well.

But I still feel like I'm stuck in limbo while everyone else around me progresses to the next stage.

I suppose I am still nervous about my timing of everything. The thought of another 6 years of school is very intimidating. Am I really prepared for that? Can I really start having babies while in school? Do I have the chops to be an academic? What if I fail? After all, I still haven't even gotten into any schools, much less the prestigious ones on the top of my list.

Since college, I've been in an almost constant state of transition. The transition to grad school across the country, 2 years later to unemployment, half a year later to employment, and not even another year later to a different job. Overlay that with plenty of personal transition (from not dating Robin to dating again to moving in together to engagement to marriage). How did all that fit into 4 years? And how is it, despite all that movement, that I still feel like I'm stuck on a hamster wheel?

end of an era.....

2005-05-27T09:51:00.000-04:00

I am taking today off of work, in preparation for the 5-?? hour long drive to my youngest brother's college. Mostly I am nervous about having to endure Memorial Day Weekend traffic out of Boston. But part of me is a bit astounded at how far my brothers and I have come.

I think we grew up exceptionally close. It helped that we are all within 3 years of each other. Our parents also kept us pretty sheltered, and so we turned to each other to be playmates and best friends. Of course, we had our fights and grudges, but when push comes to shove, we have ALWAYS stuck together.

Since I left for college, our interactions have changed significantly. I almost feel like my brothers have grown up behind my back, despite the fact that my middle brother went to the same college that I did. And now, I am procrastinating packing to go to my youngest brother's college graduation. When did we all become adults?

Having spent most of these past 7 years living apart from my brothers, I now understand why some people settle down so close to their relatives. Lately, I've realized just how much I miss my brothers, and how I regret that I do not know them better as adults. I was really happy to have my middle brother at college with me for those 2 years, and I am looking forward to having my youngest brother in Cambridge with me for the next year.

In my heart I will always think of them as Big Baby and Small Baby, even though they both tower above me at 6' plus. Here's to you, my brothers!

A excerpt from the Annals of Wedge - April 4, 2005 -

2005-04-22T10:36:00.000-04:00

Again I seem to be lacking in discipline when it comes to paper journals. I've been here in the Bahamas for 3 nights, and nary a word, although I've had plenty of spare time to do so.

Before I came, I thought I'd have an opportunity to think hard about myself, my future, etc. etc. Seems like my mind wanted nothing but complete relaxation... and did no such thing as ponder my future.

Perhaps I do enough of that on a daily basis. I've done nothing but discuss my future since I met Nir in September. Maybe this vacation was the break I needed such that I can continue to think about my future in a constructive way.

Maybe these are all excuses.

I feel that I probably won't return to Nassau. It is a spring break town, a booze and dance town. I've seen Paradise Island, Atlantis, the straw market, the beach. I don't care for a tour of the rum factory, or for snorkeling here (I'm sure other islands of the Bahamas have better.)

But this beach (Cable Beach) in the morning is as peaceful and beautiful as can be hoped for. Layers of blues, white sand, calm waters. If only Robin were here to see it. **

If I have learned nothing else this trip, it has been that I need Robin in my life. Not every single day... these days have been beautiful and thoroughly enjoyable. But I feel a great need to share these things and can think of no one else more deserving than him.

**footnote: Robin was at a conference that week, so I went on vacation with a friend; hence Robin's absence.

Girls Only...

2005-03-04T12:00:00.000-05:00

I've spent my life surrounded by boys:
- I have 2 younger brothers, the youngest is only 3 years younger than me.
- Robin has no sisters, so when I visit my in-laws, I spend a fair amount of time with my brother-in-law (who is one cool cat, btw).
- I attended a science/engineering magnet program in HS, a Tech college, and a Tech grad school. So I spent most of my formative years in places where the great majority of my peers were male.

As a result, throughout my life, most of my best friends have been guys. This is not to say that I don't have girlfriends. But they have tended to be sporadic, both in space and in time. And rarely did I ever hang out with girls only. So while I occasionally enjoyed hanging out with just the girls, I didn't ever think of it as something I particularly needed.

I think I've finally been converted.

For New Year's, Robin and I, along with 2 other friends, visited college friends in Seattle. There were 6 of us, and 2 cars. We ended up with a girl car and a boy car. It wasn't that we didn't want to be with the boys; after all, 4 of us were in married couple form. But when we went shopping, out to lunch or dinner, drove up to the mountains to go sledding, and made the trek to Vancouver, we split off into girls vs boys.

At first, I didn't really think about it. In my mind, I was maximizing the utility of my time away from home by spending time in a car that didn't include my husband (I see him all the time, I don't need to be with him 24/7).

We were on our way back from Vancouver when suddenly, it all came together. Ady and I were chatting about our lives, our plans for the future, as Laura dozed in the back. We stopped at a gas station while the boys filled up their SUV, and Ady acquired some soda. Revitalized, we got back on the road, and turned up the music. I think "Buttercup" reached the top of the Ipod queue, and Ady and Laura broke out singing at the top of their lungs. I felt like I was in a warm, cozy bubble, shooting along the highway. I leaned my forehead against the cool glass of the passenger side window, and tried to put my finger on what I was feeling.

Clearly, a good portion of it was just good vibes from good friends. But there was something more. There are certain things that only other girls understand; the joy of pawing through underwear bins at a Victoria's Secret sale, for instance. Or the little pangs of the heart when seeing other people's babies. It felt really great to share these vibes with more than 1 person at a time. (my daily/weekly interactions with girls are limited to a housemate and one college friend, both of whom are in grad school and are really busy.)

I miss my girls. Thank you, for teaching me the good that is all girl.

A few thoughts now that I'm a quarter-century old....

2005-01-11T09:58:00.000-05:00

Birthdays are strange beasts. As a kid, you get big parties with other little kids in attendance, cupcakes and sprinkles, loud games, etc etc. But what about now? I assume that my age equivalent would be a big drunken adult party. However, I don't know if I would enjoy that; it's hard to have fun while drunk when you also get a headache and want to puke after more than 1 drink. Watching other people act silly while drunk also gets old.

I digress. There's something to be said for being the center of attention, which is really the main point of a big party, at any age, for any occasion. The little kid with the crown blowing out birthday candles with everyone else watching. The bride in a big poofy white dress. You can do almost anything you want, and no one can say anything bad about it. After all, it's my party and I can cry if I want to, no?

But is that what everyone really wants for their birthday? Large events seem too fraught with responsibility for the guests. That's the last thing a birthday girl wants for her big day. People take the day off of work, sleep in late, and generally shirk responsibility on their birthdays, why would I want to worry if we have enough food for people, or about social niceties?

There's a point in here somewhere. But I am not sure where it went.

When all is said and done, I had a good birthday. My closest family (husband and brothers) and an observant waitress at Finale made sure that I was the center of attention for an evening. And I didn't have to worry about a thing.

Holidays = food....

2004-11-26T17:30:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, Robin and I spent the Thanksgiving eating and relaxing with friends in the Boston area. We stuffed ourselves silly on Turducken (a turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken), mashed potatoes, yams with marshmellows melted on top, green bean casserole, salad, rolls, and 3 different kinds of cranberry sauce.

This photo of Tim with the aftermath of our meal pretty much sums up how I felt after we were done eating.

A lot of people have heard the urban legend that turkey contains tryptophan, and that this amino acid causes sleepiness after a Thanksgiving meal. Snopes has pretty well shot that myth down. However, I stuffed myself so thoroughly that after we were done eating, I curled up on Tim and Molly's couch and conked out for a good half hour . (But not before I unbuttoned the top button of my skirt. Yes, I really did eat that much.)

A couple hours later, we attempted to have dessert. (a few of us couldn't finish, they were still too damned full.) We had pumpkin pie, and a decadent chocolate hazelnut mousse cake that Robin made over the course of the two previous days. My only contribution to this cake was the powdered sugar decoration.... I printed out a picture of trogdor and cut out the outline, which on top of the cake before Robin sifted powdered sugar over it.

The paper cutting

The resulting cake

Unfortunately, powdered sugar Trogdor did not travel well... by the time we got to Tim and Molly's, the sugar was jostled all out of place, and the only recognizable parts were Trogdor's beefy arm and some majesty. The cake was delicious, though.

eh WHAT???

2004-11-20T13:57:00.000-05:00

Fark Gem: but in case it gets bahleeted, check out the savings you can get at Target!

Be still my beating ovaries...

2004-11-19T19:01:00.000-05:00

Poor 1 month old Ben is blotchy because of the dry heat that is the inside of a Boston apartment in the winter, but he's still getting cuter by the day.

There are all kinds of writeups on the wonder that is a baby, so I won't add to the drivel. It suffices to say that I am amazed that this little man exists, and I will be watching his development with wide eyes.

No caption needed

2004-11-16T22:39:00.000-05:00

Why Blog?

2004-11-15T13:15:00.000-05:00

I've been blogging for a long time. It started on my college webpage, over 5 years ago. Every month or so, I would add a text blurb about whatever interesting thing was going on in my life. Since then, I've gone through a variety of online presences (some on personal webpages, some on blogging sites), all with different amounts of interaction. In turn, I have watched as over the years, the number of people I personally know who were blogging grew exponentially.

A question that I have struggled with since the beginning was who my audience was, and what kind of interaction I was hoping for. Clearly, blogging is not just for personal record keeping... that is for paper journals. What I put on here is accessible to anyone and everyone; in essense, I am informing the world about events in my life, thoughts that I have, etc. Are my parents and brothers reading? What about my in-laws? Without interaction (or paying for web counters/IP trackers), it's hard to tell.

When I was simply posting text to my webpage, interaction was limited to email. Other online journals I have kept encourage a lot of interaction between the blogger and his/her readers in the form of comments on each entry. For some reason, I tended to chat a lot more with other bloggers whom I had never met in person, more than I did with friends I knew in real life. Slowly, my posting became geared towards interacting with these other online presences. It wasn't simply about keeping track of my everyday life anymore, it was socializing. Audience became tied in with interaction, something I didn't (but should've) foreseen.

And what about the people who are reading and not responding? I'm sure that my online blogging has had an unseen audience. I know that there are blogs and websites that I keep track of, but do not correspond with the author. Surely the same applies to me. Should I care about the voyeurs? Do I brag about my accomplishments? How much should I censor myself to prevent others from nitpicking/laughing over my entries the way I tend to do to others?

Ultimately, these are questions that only I can answer. I don't think those answers exist anyway. The reasons I blog are continuously evolving. All I know is that I have blogged online for a long time, and I will probably continue to do so far into the future.

2004-11-12T18:10:00.000-05:00

Fall was nice while it lasted. Today is the first day it really feels like winter; it's snowing here in Cambridge. I'm still not used to the fall season being so short. While I was growing up in NJ, fall lasted till after Thanksgiving; I didn't have to break out gloves till December. But this year, I've been bundling my head up in scarves and shoving my gloved hands in coat pockets since the beginning of November. That's what I get for living 5 hours drive north of NJ.

When I was at Caltech, I complained a lot about missing the seasons. Now that I'm actually getting seasons, I sorely miss CA weather. Perhaps it is aggravated by our lack of a car; in NJ, I was driven everywhere and didn't have to be outside for more than 5 minutes at a time, but living in Cambridge means walking EVERYWHERE.

I know Robin wants to head back to the West Coast eventually. I think I'd be happy either here or there, as long as we get a car. Of course, job/grad school location will dictate it more than weather, but sometimes it's nice to dream.

rolling rolling rolling...

2004-11-10T13:56:00.000-05:00

I've been at Payload for less than a year, but already I'm moving on.

Robin and I attended the wedding of his second cousin, Michael, in September. I met Nir at the reception (Nir and Michael's new husband are both faculty at Harvard/MGH). He wanted to talk to me about my new camera(Canon Digital Rebel) which he saw me using. We eventually started talking about what we did for our day jobs, which resulted in him visiting me a couple weeks later to talk more about his lab, which resulted in this:

Dear Regina:

I am pleased to offer you the position of Research Laboratory Technician for MGH’s Division of Rheumatology, Allergy and Immunology, Center for Immunology and Inflammatory Diseases.....

This is really a huge development, and not just because I'm switching jobs. I'm taking this job with the intent of completely switching fields. The plan is to get a couple papers out, and apply for a ph.d. in biology.

Where I go after that is anyone's guess. Industry? Academia? I don't know. And where does starting a family with Robin fit in with these new developments? I have no idea. There's only one thing I do know; for the first time in a long long while, I'm really excited about my career. It's a good feeling.

Just a Quick update

2004-08-19T19:06:00.000-04:00

I have my own office at Payload now. It even has a window. (Well, the window looks out on a rooftop....)

There is now a Lollicup in Harvard Square.

We just got back from camping in Mammoth (near Mammoth Lakes, Red's Meadow, and the Devil's Postpile). There were 20 of us (all of Robin's dad's brothers' families, his grandfather, and a cousin and family) and I had a fantastic time hanging out with all of them.

If the prices stay cheap, I may take a trip to Australia to visit Laura.

And so it goes.

2004-02-24T15:53:00.000-05:00

By the way, on the offchance that people actually read this thing, if any of you have photos from the wedding, please let me know! I'm trying to finish off our wedding album, and our photographer didn't stick around long enough for the bouquet/garter toss, so additional pictures would be really nice.

2004-02-24T10:50:00.000-05:00

My office (or cubicle) is downstairs, along with other contractors who are not actually on Payload's payroll. Since it's winter, it's cold cold cold down here. So to keep myself warm, I brought in a small blanket (a birthday gift from Laura) and I drink lots of tea.

I feel like I'm the only one around here who doesn't drink coffee. I felt that way at my last lab as well. Hopefully, I've been drinking decaf stuff, or I might as well be drinking coffee. But I'm relatively sure that the chrysanthemum tea and other herbal stuff I find in the kitchen have no caffeine. Courtesy of whomever stocks the kitchen, I've been trying out all sorts of interesting flavors; cherry, passion (with hibiscus), green ginger, etc.

On a more amusing note, I left my ziplock with dried chrysanthemum upstairs in the kitchen, and my coworkers' first reaction to it was to jokingly ask who had brought drugs in.

2004-01-13T15:29:00.000-05:00

Well, I am finally in the job force, working 40 hour weeks as a scientist/engineer at Payload Systems.

After more than half a year of transition, life is settling down into normal routine. I'm having trouble getting up early in the mornings, but Robin's 2 alarm clock is doing it's job. I wonder if I will eventually get bored. Just got to wait and see.

2003-11-10T13:28:00.000-05:00

Spent the weekend a few hours south with my parents and aunts, one of whom was visiting from Hong Kong. Because of the visitor, most conversation was in Cantonese. That was my first language, but I stopped speaking it once I was 7 or 8. However, if I listen carefully, I can still understand a fair amount.

It was somewhat exhausting, actually. I didn't participate in conversation as much as I normally do, and if I did speak up, it was in English (my aunt understands it pretty well, but is not comfortable speaking English). But eventually I had a really interesting revelation.

I don't translate Cantonese into English in my head. It stays in Cantonese, but I understand it.

My ability to speak Cantonese must be laying dormant, then, and all I need is practice. This is very exciting to me. I very much want to be able to communicate with my relatives, the majority of whom do not speak English. And I have always wanted to have bilingual children.

A week or two ago, Robin told me he wants to learn Cantonese. He does know a few words here and there (mostly names for Chinese food that he likes!) so I think it's possible we'll be able to do this. It will take years of work (especially for Robin) but we're gonna start now.

2003-08-27T14:35:00.000-04:00

The rain stopped, the skies cleared, and we had the most wonderful day of our lives... so far.

Everything happened on time.
The flowers worked out wonderfully (we arranged all centerpieces and bouquets ourselves).
The ringbearer and flowergirl were instant best friends and stole the show, as we had expected them to.
(The ringbearer actually fell asleep on his ring pillow during the ceremony).

But best of all, our families got along spectacularly.

2003-07-06T13:17:00.000-04:00

oh man, it has gotten hot and sticky here in Boston. I really hope that it won't be hotter than 85 degrees on the day of the wedding... yesterday I was sweating like a pig while in tiny shorts and a tank top, I can't imagine moving around in a huge poofy skirt in that sort of weather.

I had a blast in Pasadena for a week; hung out, shopped, and went clubbing with Laura, and attended my little brother's graduation. I also ate a lot of good food. I really miss In&Out, Jack in the Box, and Shau May. The following week was all wedding stuff; not my wedding, but Tim and Molly's. The other two bridesmaids, Katharina and Katie, and Molly's adopted parents, the Borcherts, and I threw Molly a fun Hawaiian themed bridal shower. The wedding ceremony was outside, in a beautiful outside chapel. The reception was a laid back picnic reception (definetly above average picnic food though!) It was wonderful to see so many old friends from around the country, and of course, it was wonderful to see Tim and Molly so happy.

I hope that our wedding goes that well. It's getting really damned close now.

2003-04-07T12:21:00.000-04:00

I'm so exhausted. I wonder if I'm getting sick or something.

This weekend I attended my first tae kwon do tournament. It was an incredible experience. We (MIT's Sport Tae Kwon Do Club) won the tournament, and are now first in the league. We didn't win it without a fight though. By the end of the day, lots of people were nursing major injuries. I was also beaten up; in my first sparring match ever, I had to fight a girl who was two belt levels higher than me, and way more experienced. My right arm was rendered useless for lifting/pushing things cause her kicks really bruised my bicep.

On the other hand, I thought it would be a much scarier and more tiring than it really was. If I practice a little, I won't be too nervous about sparring at this weekend's tournament at Columbia. Wheee! At least my legs are ok, which means I'm all set to go (tae kwon do is all about kicking).

2003-02-10T18:20:00.000-05:00

Blogger seems to be acting funny, but I'm going to try to post this anyways.

Life has been crazy busy, but I'm getting a surprising amount done (although on a daily basis it doesn't feel like it). I presented a poster at this year's Orthopaedics Research Society Annual Conference. (my first conference presentation every, go me!) In putting together all the data for the poster, I've effectively written a chapter of my thesis. Robin and I have also done a fair amount of wedding work; we've got both ceremony and reception site (and therefore caterer) reserved, a rabbi who will co-officiate, a few leads on priests who are willing co-officiate, a guest list, my wedding dress (which I brought to a seamstress today to have altered), and my tiara. My mother will probably be getting us cool favors from Hong Kong. My bridesmaids and I have agreed on a dress, which my mom will have made in Hong Kong as well. (I'll probably ask my mom to have them make me one as well, as they're really sweet dresses!) Robin is looking for DJ's, I'm looking into photographers, and after Valentine's day I'll talk to florists (but we'll probably do the flowers ourselves). Robin's got a good deal on tuxes already. Really, the only major thing we haven't looked into is invitations, which we'll make ourselves so we don't have to worry about ordering them soon.

The semester just started, so now I've got all sorts of things on my plate. I've spoken with the Career Center here at MIT, and now have all kinds of fun resources with which to probe the biotech industry around here for job openings. I also have a contact through Topher (a Mole Techer who graduated in 97, just before I got there) which I will probably seek out. I've decided not to take classes this last semester (there's really not much left that I'm interested in), but will probably be doing grading for a bioengineering class for some extra cash. And there've been a whole ton of social stuff (friends coming to visit from NYC, friends winning pool parties at Jillians....) All in all, I've been a busy bee.

2003-01-06T18:31:00.000-05:00

We have:
- 1 CA wedding site and reception site
- 1 really cool custom designer that might make the bodice for my dress for cheap (such that I can get my dream dress for less than 1K instead of for 4K!)
- several Boston area wedding and reception sites that we are checking out to see if they are possibilities. Stuff in this area is so damned expensive
- 1 really cool photographer in the Boston area that we'd like to use
- no date or location set. If sites here in MA prove to be too costly, we will fall back on the CA option, and probably go ahead and do it this August. No idea on how likely that is.

Since the semester doesn't start for a month (and since I probably won't take classes anyway) I will be spending this month wedding planning and thesis writing (that is, if the company I collaborate finally sends me some useful biochemical data)

2002-11-19T13:46:00.000-05:00

wow. This is it. We're really going to do this!

Robin and I are officially engaged. I'm so excited!!!!!! Life with him has just been so perfect these past few months, it's hard to imagine it getting better. And yet it is. We're certain of each other. The sparkle on my finger is a constant, wonderful reminder of that.

2002-11-08T09:24:00.000-05:00

I'm tired. Labwork has been unceasing these past few weeks. I'm not sure how I'm getting my classes done.

The GameCube I got Robin for his birthday has kept the house vastly entertained... to the point where people are often up in our room playing when I'd prefer to be alone. Doh. I guess we'll have to move it back downstairs at some point. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, this summer I moved into a 3 story townhouse with 5 people; Robin, and 4 of his chemistry grad student friends. Part of me missed living in close proximity to other people, so it seemed like a good idea. And generally, things are working out. But I've discovered I'm somewhat of a control freak, and if things aren't done exactly as I wish they would be, I get agitated easily.

I need to learn to calm down. And move the GameCube downstairs. Mike and Robin are so obsessed with beating Super Smash Brothers Melee that I've stopped playing the game completely.

I haven't been this stressed out since leaving Caltech. I guess this doesn't even compare to Caltech though, since I am getting 7 hours of sleep and can afford to waste 3 or 4 hours in a day destressing after work. I've even taken up tae kwon do, which eats up a good 3 hours a week. Stressed? Hah! This doesn't compare at all! But nevertheless, I am tired.

2002-10-21T21:46:00.000-04:00

Life is going full steam ahead.

I'm taking two classes: one on manufacturing processes, the other on mechanical assembly and its role in product development. Two subjects which I learned nothing about at Caltech, as they are very practical and oriented towards real life employment. It's not hard at all, just super time consuming because there's soooooooo much information I have to process which other people have already been exposed to.

Research has picked up like crazy. Isto is sending me lots of material to analyze, and it keeps me busy over 20 hours a week.

The job search is also going; I've interviewed with Dupont, and will interview with Medtronic tomorrow. I want to interview with Tiax, this neat engineering consulting company in Boston, but I was in Tampa for a wedding this weekend and missed the online sign-up. I will have to head into the career center early tomorrow to harrass them and see if I can get a late interview spot.

Oh, and the wedding. Robin and I headed to Tampa for 4 days for Adrianne and Yifan's wedding. Robin was the best man, and I read something during the ceremony. Amy was the maid of honor, and Nick was a groomsman. It was a beautiful ceremony; Robin admitted to me that he nearly cried cause Ady and Yifan were sooooooo happy. There were also a few funnier moments; a ring was dropped (gasp!) and just before the couple walked down the aisle as husband and wife, the speakers went nuts. But pretty much everything went off without a hitch. And the reception was a blast. It all makes me excited for the next wedding (Tim and Molly... and I get to walk down the aisle with them this time!)

2002-09-24T22:41:00.000-04:00

I've posted my resume online, finally. The job search should be on full steam. Unfortunately, other forces have conspired to make me too busy to look for a job at this point. blech. Gotta go finish that problem set now....

2002-09-10T11:11:00.000-04:00

"Wedging is an event in which the contact forces between peg and hole can set up compressive forces inside the peg, effectively trapping it part way in the hole. To avoid wedging, one must keep the angular error between peg and hole at the moment of first 'two point contact' small enough. The equations describing succesful assembly, developed in Section 10.C.4, show that there is a relation between avoiding wedging and ensuring that the chamfers meet."

-Chapter 10, Mechanical Assembly and its role in Product Development

2002-09-03T15:32:00.000-04:00

I'd really rather not think about it, but I don't have much of a choice. It's all over the place; in the newspapers, on the TV, and everyone talks about it. After all, the phrase "september 11" is the most used one in the English language now (I shit you not). And now I'm guilty of perpetuating it too.

I think my way of dealing with it all was to block it out. I had a horrific week after the initial event. I couldn't sleep, and then when I did I couldn't get out of bed. I couldn't concentrate on anything, so schoolwork was shot to hell. Luckily, I think many people were reacting the same way, so our professors were very lax for a few days. After awhile, a numbness sort of set in, in which I never thought about what I saw that day. I stopped reading articles about it, stopped watching tv documentaries/specials on terrorists. I even shied away from looking at photographs. Not that I actually knew anyone personally who was in the planes or at the Pentagon or the WTC, but just the mere thought of all those lives smothered at once, of how I watched it on tv just made me lose it.

Today I was on CNN.com and decided to browse through the TIME section on Sept. 11. Just doing that made my breathing and my heart rate faster.

I'm not sure what I wanted to say here. Somehow this has turned into the story of how I dealt with it, which was not my intention. I guess I just want to express my sadness, and my hope that everyone out there is ok, and dealing with it in their own way.

2002-09-01T17:46:00.000-04:00

I don't understand the rules of flirting at all. For some reason, most men seem to think that it's a-ok to whistle or slurp at women when walking down the street. The other week, I was followed for 5 full minutes by some guy who kept slurping at me and saying "yeah baby!" I was seriously grossed/freaked out by the whole thing. But then, when at a bar or a club, a huge set of rules are suddenly in place. As long as you don't maintain eye contact and stay in a close circle with friends, guys leave you alone. At first glance, this doesn't make sense; a good amount of young people go to bars to meet people. It seems more socially acceptable to pick someone up at a bar, then right off the street!

Maybe I need to think about it some more.

2002-08-28T13:22:00.000-04:00

my thesis (to be finished this spring) should look like this:

Chapter 1. General Introduction to Cartilage biomechanics, problems of tissue engineering
Chapter 2. Analysis of Neocartilage Constructs (intro, methods, results, discussion)
Chapter 3. Analysis of Neocartilage Constructs after Implantation into Sheep (intro, methods, results, discussion)
Chapter 4. General Discussion, Conclusions

Right now, I'm working on Chapter 2. Wow, a thesis is shaping up!

Even more exciting is that my advisor thinks that I will probably publish at least 2 or 3 papers derived from this thesis. Me, publishing! For a Masters degree too!

2002-08-23T11:17:00.000-04:00

Today I am heading home to NJ for the first time since Christmas. Going "home" used to be a big deal when I was flying in from California. It felt much more dramatic, coming from dry desert-ish LA to the lush NJ suburbs where I grew up. But now I live in Cambridge, which is also pretty green (I have huge gorgeous trees outside my window!), so the change will not be nearly as drastic. And of course, I'm only hopping on a bus instead of flying for 6 hours.

2002-08-22T08:58:00.000-04:00

Today, I will be attending a Biotech Celebration being given by MIT Sloan (the business school here). Time to put on my grown-up hat, my saleswoman hat, my "I'm a wonderful smart MIT grad student whom you want to give a neato job" hat! Too bad I don't actually have business cards.

2002-08-20T17:37:00.000-04:00

my to do list for tomorrow:

get up at a reasonable hour
look up the Caltech loan numbers that got deferred and call the credit agency to fix up my credit report
go to lab and look up numbers for methods section of thesis
save and send my methods section to my advisor

2002-08-20T11:04:00.000-04:00

Writing up my thesis is not much fun. I'm supposed to be working on the Methods section, but how many ways can I spice up a description of me slicing up material and putting it in a machine???