wow. This is it. We're really going to do this!

Robin and I are officially engaged. I'm so excited!!!!!! Life with him has just been so perfect these past few months, it's hard to imagine it getting better. And yet it is. We're certain of each other. The sparkle on my finger is a constant, wonderful reminder of that.

I'm tired. Labwork has been unceasing these past few weeks. I'm not sure how I'm getting my classes done.

The GameCube I got Robin for his birthday has kept the house vastly entertained... to the point where people are often up in our room playing when I'd prefer to be alone. Doh. I guess we'll have to move it back downstairs at some point. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, this summer I moved into a 3 story townhouse with 5 people; Robin, and 4 of his chemistry grad student friends. Part of me missed living in close proximity to other people, so it seemed like a good idea. And generally, things are working out. But I've discovered I'm somewhat of a control freak, and if things aren't done exactly as I wish they would be, I get agitated easily.

I need to learn to calm down. And move the GameCube downstairs. Mike and Robin are so obsessed with beating Super Smash Brothers Melee that I've stopped playing the game completely.

I haven't been this stressed out since leaving Caltech. I guess this doesn't even compare to Caltech though, since I am getting 7 hours of sleep and can afford to waste 3 or 4 hours in a day destressing after work. I've even taken up tae kwon do, which eats up a good 3 hours a week. Stressed? Hah! This doesn't compare at all! But nevertheless, I am tired.

Life is going full steam ahead.

I'm taking two classes: one on manufacturing processes, the other on mechanical assembly and its role in product development. Two subjects which I learned nothing about at Caltech, as they are very practical and oriented towards real life employment. It's not hard at all, just super time consuming because there's soooooooo much information I have to process which other people have already been exposed to.

Research has picked up like crazy. Isto is sending me lots of material to analyze, and it keeps me busy over 20 hours a week.

The job search is also going; I've interviewed with Dupont, and will interview with Medtronic tomorrow. I want to interview with Tiax, this neat engineering consulting company in Boston, but I was in Tampa for a wedding this weekend and missed the online sign-up. I will have to head into the career center early tomorrow to harrass them and see if I can get a late interview spot.

Oh, and the wedding. Robin and I headed to Tampa for 4 days for Adrianne and Yifan's wedding. Robin was the best man, and I read something during the ceremony. Amy was the maid of honor, and Nick was a groomsman. It was a beautiful ceremony; Robin admitted to me that he nearly cried cause Ady and Yifan were sooooooo happy. There were also a few funnier moments; a ring was dropped (gasp!) and just before the couple walked down the aisle as husband and wife, the speakers went nuts. But pretty much everything went off without a hitch. And the reception was a blast. It all makes me excited for the next wedding (Tim and Molly... and I get to walk down the aisle with them this time!)

I've posted my resume online, finally. The job search should be on full steam. Unfortunately, other forces have conspired to make me too busy to look for a job at this point. blech. Gotta go finish that problem set now....

"Wedging is an event in which the contact forces between peg and hole can set up compressive forces inside the peg, effectively trapping it part way in the hole. To avoid wedging, one must keep the angular error between peg and hole at the moment of first 'two point contact' small enough. The equations describing succesful assembly, developed in Section 10.C.4, show that there is a relation between avoiding wedging and ensuring that the chamfers meet."

-Chapter 10, Mechanical Assembly and its role in Product Development

I'd really rather not think about it, but I don't have much of a choice. It's all over the place; in the newspapers, on the TV, and everyone talks about it. After all, the phrase "september 11" is the most used one in the English language now (I shit you not). And now I'm guilty of perpetuating it too.

I think my way of dealing with it all was to block it out. I had a horrific week after the initial event. I couldn't sleep, and then when I did I couldn't get out of bed. I couldn't concentrate on anything, so schoolwork was shot to hell. Luckily, I think many people were reacting the same way, so our professors were very lax for a few days. After awhile, a numbness sort of set in, in which I never thought about what I saw that day. I stopped reading articles about it, stopped watching tv documentaries/specials on terrorists. I even shied away from looking at photographs. Not that I actually knew anyone personally who was in the planes or at the Pentagon or the WTC, but just the mere thought of all those lives smothered at once, of how I watched it on tv just made me lose it.

Today I was on CNN.com and decided to browse through the TIME section on Sept. 11. Just doing that made my breathing and my heart rate faster.

I'm not sure what I wanted to say here. Somehow this has turned into the story of how I dealt with it, which was not my intention. I guess I just want to express my sadness, and my hope that everyone out there is ok, and dealing with it in their own way.

I don't understand the rules of flirting at all. For some reason, most men seem to think that it's a-ok to whistle or slurp at women when walking down the street. The other week, I was followed for 5 full minutes by some guy who kept slurping at me and saying "yeah baby!" I was seriously grossed/freaked out by the whole thing. But then, when at a bar or a club, a huge set of rules are suddenly in place. As long as you don't maintain eye contact and stay in a close circle with friends, guys leave you alone. At first glance, this doesn't make sense; a good amount of young people go to bars to meet people. It seems more socially acceptable to pick someone up at a bar, then right off the street!

Maybe I need to think about it some more.

my thesis (to be finished this spring) should look like this:

Chapter 1. General Introduction to Cartilage biomechanics, problems of tissue engineering
Chapter 2. Analysis of Neocartilage Constructs (intro, methods, results, discussion)
Chapter 3. Analysis of Neocartilage Constructs after Implantation into Sheep (intro, methods, results, discussion)
Chapter 4. General Discussion, Conclusions

Right now, I'm working on Chapter 2. Wow, a thesis is shaping up!

Even more exciting is that my advisor thinks that I will probably publish at least 2 or 3 papers derived from this thesis. Me, publishing! For a Masters degree too!

Today I am heading home to NJ for the first time since Christmas. Going "home" used to be a big deal when I was flying in from California. It felt much more dramatic, coming from dry desert-ish LA to the lush NJ suburbs where I grew up. But now I live in Cambridge, which is also pretty green (I have huge gorgeous trees outside my window!), so the change will not be nearly as drastic. And of course, I'm only hopping on a bus instead of flying for 6 hours.

Today, I will be attending a Biotech Celebration being given by MIT Sloan (the business school here). Time to put on my grown-up hat, my saleswoman hat, my "I'm a wonderful smart MIT grad student whom you want to give a neato job" hat! Too bad I don't actually have business cards.

my to do list for tomorrow:

get up at a reasonable hour
look up the Caltech loan numbers that got deferred and call the credit agency to fix up my credit report
go to lab and look up numbers for methods section of thesis
save and send my methods section to my advisor

Writing up my thesis is not much fun. I'm supposed to be working on the Methods section, but how many ways can I spice up a description of me slicing up material and putting it in a machine???