wife, mother, ph.d. student, hot stuff.

Tuesday, September 03, 2002

I'd really rather not think about it, but I don't have much of a choice. It's all over the place; in the newspapers, on the TV, and everyone talks about it. After all, the phrase "september 11" is the most used one in the English language now (I shit you not). And now I'm guilty of perpetuating it too.

I think my way of dealing with it all was to block it out. I had a horrific week after the initial event. I couldn't sleep, and then when I did I couldn't get out of bed. I couldn't concentrate on anything, so schoolwork was shot to hell. Luckily, I think many people were reacting the same way, so our professors were very lax for a few days. After awhile, a numbness sort of set in, in which I never thought about what I saw that day. I stopped reading articles about it, stopped watching tv documentaries/specials on terrorists. I even shied away from looking at photographs. Not that I actually knew anyone personally who was in the planes or at the Pentagon or the WTC, but just the mere thought of all those lives smothered at once, of how I watched it on tv just made me lose it.

Today I was on CNN.com and decided to browse through the TIME section on Sept. 11. Just doing that made my breathing and my heart rate faster.

I'm not sure what I wanted to say here. Somehow this has turned into the story of how I dealt with it, which was not my intention. I guess I just want to express my sadness, and my hope that everyone out there is ok, and dealing with it in their own way.

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