So far, it's been a hectic, stressful summer. But I've passed my written quals, finished rotation presentations, and started in my thesis labs. I've had the support of so many people, my labmates, my classmates, my friends. Most importantly, Robin has kept me steady and moving, as he always has the entire time I've known him.

I've known Robin for almost 10 years now. We've been through 4 years of college, a master's degree, a ph.d., 2 cross country moves, 3 cats, and various family crises on both sides. Together, we bought the first car I've ever owned, and just yesterday, we got the keys to our first home, a 2 bedroom condo here in the Bay Area.


Last night, when we finally were both home from work/school, we packed up our first boxes to bring to our new home. At the last second, I pulled our Ketubah down from the wall. We were really happy with our Ketubah; not because of any religious significance, but because it is a beautiful symbol of our two families coming together, and of the new family that we have formed. So it seemed appropriate to place this symbol in our first home, on the eve of our 4th wedding anniversary.

Robin, thank you for encouraging me to be my best, supporting me when I'm at my worst, and being such a blast to be with. Happy 4th Anniversary, love, and may we have many many more!

I'm nearing the end of my second quarter back in grad school, and so far, so good. I'm certainly not making the sort of money I could be making if I'd just headed into industry right after I finished my MSME, but I think this is a damned good gig. I'm getting my tuition paid for at a first class university, and being paid to do nothing but learn things about a subject that I think is fascinating.

The next step, figuring out how to identify interesting problems and actually solve them, that's a bit more intimidating. That gets tied in with social responsibility and science, which I also find to be an interesting topic. Should researchers really be recreating polio virus? How vocal should we be when it comes to government policies that are affected by the science we do? Does the public even trust scientific opinion? With the current environment (so many labs are having money trouble because of the current administration's cuts on NIH funding), I wonder if I will be taken seriously by the very people that I want to help with immunology research. What good is finding an interesting problem when it won't get funded?


On the home front, it looks like Yuna is growing (slowly) to be a petite cat; she's about 6 months old, but is definitely smaller than Wirt was at her age. I know she still has some time before she stops lengthening, but she really is leeeetle; her head is teensy, and I've the impression that kittens grow into their heads. It would certainly be amusing to have Yuna (who's maybe 6 pounds after eating) paired up with Wirt the 15 pounder.

the new baby

On Oct. 7, we took little Yuna home with us. She was just shy of 5 weeks. She is almost 12 weeks old now, and it's amazing how much she has grown in a little over a month. We've taught her to eat solid food, drink from a water bowl (took a long time of her snuffling water up her nose!), and watched her develop from a little wobbly thing into a very active, healthy little girl.



Introducing her to Wirt was a rather hilarious endeavor. After the first tentative sniffs and hisses, Wirt allowed Yuna to wobble over to him... and she promptly attempted to suckle some milk. Which he didn't likes so much! Wirt's immense size also complicates things... he's at least 15 lbs of pure muscle, and if he gets excited, he can be way too rough when playing. But Yuna and Wirt absolutely adore each other now; when they're not tussling on the floor, they're wrapped in each other's arms, grooming each other.

Our cross country trip

We packed our lives up in this crate, which was delivered to our door about 4 days before we drove off. Everything was placed in there, except our computers, 1 suitcase of clothes, the cat, an air mattress, and some blankets. We didn't quite fill it to the very top, but we did come pretty close.


We set off at 8am, with the aforementioned items carefully packed into our Prius. Poor Wirt didn't have a lot of room to move around, and he ended up spending the great majority of the trip sprawled out in between our seats.


The first two days of our journey was pretty boring; we drove pretty much continuously till nightfall to Toledo, then to Sioux Falls. Around noon on the third day, we passed through the Badlands, which were blazing hot and amazing.




We couldn't really walk around much, else poor Wirt would have baked in the black car. At least we were traveling in style!


The scenery remained majestic as we passed into Wyoming. I thought of Laura when I saw this ridge.


The fourth day we spent exploring Yellowstone. By this point, Wirt was pretty used to being let out of the car for short spells on his leash. We took him out for a few minutes to see if he might like the grass, but I think there was too much new stuff to smell, and he hurried back to the car.


I did manage to capture this image of him, which is I think my favorite photo of him ever.


Since the weather was much cooler, we were able to leave Wirt in the car for 30 minute spurts and do some more walking around. Having grown up in the vast suburb that runs from Boston to DC, the sheer immensity of open space was nearly overwhelming. It was breathtaking, and I really hope that someday Robin and I can return with camping gear and really do some exploring.




Of course, there was the obligatory collision course of nature with tourism.


The fifth day, we passed the Grand Tetons into Nevada.


Finally, at around lunchtime of the sixth day, we arrived in Palo Alto. Not bad, for having spent a whole day in Yellowstone.

Medblogging

well, Robin and I are moved and settled in. Living in CA is so very different from our life in Boston, there are too many things to list.

I've been asked to participate in Stanford Med school's Student Blog project, in which incoming students blog about their transition into Stanford. So I've been doing a little posting there.

Photos from our roadtrip across the USA are forthcoming... still have to photo process.

Today's the beginning of the end. My official last day as a research lab tech at my MGH lab. In less than 2 weeks, Robin and I will head off to Palo Alto in our new Prius, cat in tow.

Many things are on my mind. I'm relieved because I finished making the 4 clones I've been working on for over 2 months. I'm sad because I'm leaving behind labmates that I like, whom I have enjoyed working with, and who have taught me a lot. I'm grateful because I've had an amazing mentor for the past year and a half who has been supportive and just wonderful to learn from.

But most of all, I'm amazed at *how much* I have learned. Yes, I've learned how to do ELISAs, use an RNAi library, stimulate immune cells, lyse cells and run IPs/gels and western blots, assay via FACS, stain and plate cells for microscopy, cut DNA with restriction enzymes, ligate DNA into vectors, transform and grow bacteria, do quantitative PCR, mini/midi/maxiprep DNA, among many other things. But more importantly, I know WHY I did all those things, understand how they work, why I might want to do them, how to vary conditions, etc etc etc. I feel like I have the biological equivalent of a machine shop at my disposal; I can go to any lab, pick a problem, and start dissecting it.

I'm armed and ready. Grad school, here I come.

Gender and Science

I met Prof. Barres at my Stanford interview weekend; he gave a talk about the new Master of Medicine program (which I came very close to applying to, it sounds like a fantastic setup). It also turns out that he is a friend of my current boss. Small world.

In any case, he just had a piece published in Nature that is stirring up some controversy. He has the unique position of understanding what it is like to be a woman as well as a man in science; he used to be a she. (and no, when I met him, I had absolutely no idea of that.)

My rant on why there aren't more women in science only touched the tip of the iceberg. I was thinking along the lines of support for the women who do manage to make it. There's still a long way to go to help those who are capable but never even get that far.

*ETA* apologies to those who cannot get a free copy of the article. A summary of it can be found here

Sophie, March 1998 - May 16, 2006

It started with a notice on the computer server I used for email, a notice that kittens were old enough to find a home. My best friend's girlfriend wanted to see them, so that afternoon, we went and visited the litter of 7. I picked up the tiny white fluffball, who promptly fell asleep in my lap. I was smitten. 2 days later, Sophie came home in Robin's shirt pocket.

Today, she rode the T tucked into my jacket, to the vet where we had to put her to sleep. The sun came out for our venture out of the house, and most of the way there, she poked her head out and watched the world around her. As we left the vet empty handed, the heavens poured down around us. Cliche, but it made me feel better.

She was my first pet. She was the first creature to utterly depend on me for sustenance, for affection. Even though all her short life, Robin and I have basically lived together, she has always been *my* kitty.

She used to sleep nestled beneath my armpit, just as I nestled in Robin's. She used to drink out of my water glass if I wasn't careful about putting it away. Sophie the bug hunter would chirrup in excitement as she exterminated flies, spiders, ants. She even ate corn off the cob, putting her paws on the cob just so. She was SO fluffy, with hair as soft as a bunny's, with tufts of fur sprouting between her toes. She always had trouble with hardwood floors, as her furry paws would just slide all over them. And her blue eyes were just amazing. It was her blue eyes that first drew me to her, and they were gorgeous till the very end.

Sophie was always there to comfort me when I was sick, when I was lonely. She was my princess, and I was so proud of her sweetness, her gentleness.

When Robin and I came to the decision that she was too sick to go on, I cried for hours, I wondered if I should have never adopted her in the first place because the thought of losing her so suddenly was more than I could take. But now I think of all the joy she has given me (and I hope I have been a good mommy for her) and I realize it was worth it. I have kept her tummy full, her body warm, and her days filled with snuggles. I hope that cat heaven has an overabundance of all these things for her.

Trees are bursting into colors, and every evening the T is swamped with Red Sox fans. In the mornings, Wirt perches on the windowsill and watches the birds. Robin and I open the office window in the evenings.

The seasons are changing, and it makes me that much more conscious of our cross country move (tentatively slated for August). I will miss the esplanade, the cross-river view of the Boston skyline, the ease with which I can navigate the city without a car, the thrill of walking through Harvard and MIT (yes, it still makes me tingle), and I'll even miss Red Sox nation. Boston has been a good home these 5 years.

Now that we're planning to leave, I have all sorts of things I want to do. I want to take advantage of Haymarket for the last few months. I want to visit the MFA for a day. We still haven't been to a Boston Pops concert at the Hatch Shell. and I don't think Robin has been to a Red Sox game. I wonder if the MIT boathouse still has my card, and if I could get away with sailing on the river one more time.

*drumroll*

We're going back to CA.... Stanford, here I come.

almost over (will edit as news comes in)

Accepted:
-Harvard Immunology
-Stanford Immunology
-UW MCB
-Johns Hopkins Immunology

interviewed, waitlisted:
-MIT BE

interviewed, still waiting on response:
-GWU IBS

interviewed, but rejected:
-UW Immunology
-Harvard Sys Bio

rejections:
-UCSF
-MIT CSBi
-Johns Hopkins BME
-Georgetown Microbiology/Immunology

I'm a tad confused about the pattern of being turned down by bioengineering programs, but accepted to immunology. This mechanical engineer is feeling quite loved by the biology community as opposed to the biomedical engineers. Who knew? I'm not complaining, though. At Stanford/Harvard/Hopkins, I'd still have access to the computational courses in other programs, and do my thesis in the area that I'd apply these things to. That said, MIT BE is a more complete package, having immunology faculty as well as the coursework in one bundle.

Overall, I'm thrilled with my options. Now comes the hard part; deciding.

the weaker sex...

Looks like Larry Summers is finally resigning. I can't say I'm surprised. He sure made a mess of things PR wise. But whether you think he was right or he was wrong, one very good thing has come out of this situation; the academic community is working even harder to make things better for women in science.

Given that I've been actively working towards going to grad school for more than a year, and that I am 26, I've given a lot of thought to the whole "women in science" issue. It is my impression that most incoming grad students are no more than a year or two out of college, and not married. Therefore, having been out of college for 5 years, out of grad school for 3, and married for almost 3, my focus is a bit different from the typical incoming grad student. I'm beginning to wonder if maybe that is part of the problem.

There are always exceptions to the rule, but by far the majority of science students finish their ph.d. in their late 20's. By then, the biological clock is ticking pretty strongly (forgive the cliche). Additionally, one becomes more aware of any sexual bias in the field, since graduate studies revolve around the lab instead of in classes. Combine those two factors, and the harsh road that leads to tenure, and it's no wonder that women like Amber Post are opting to turn away from academia. Why should we subject ourselves to being ignored by our peers because of our sex, to wrangling for maternity leave and feeling societal pressure to be primary caretakers of our children, in addition to the normal grind of being in academia? It's much simpler to opt out. Even my own mother, who has always wanted me to succeed in science, told me last year that "one ph.d. in a family is good enough" and advised me to take the easy route.

I'm not saying that a woman in her young 20's doesn't realize such a dilemma exists. But I don't think one can really comprehend it until one has reached the point where one can actually start planning for a family. Which I have. Don't get me wrong; I'm not implying that I am some font of wisdom. It's just that there are some things you can't comprehend till it happens. A couple I know lost their child halfway through pregnancy. I certainly feel some amount of empathy for them; I want to have a family, and I can imagine what a horrible blow this must be. But I dare not say I KNOW how they feel.

So I imagine that the majority of women start their ph.d.'s without really thinking hard about the issue until they're almost done. By then, it's too late; they're bitter about being treated differently, they're unused to thinking about the family vs career dilemma which till then was only a phantom of the future, and there isn't a sufficient setup to accomodate women starting families and careers simultaneously. And so most women finish their ph.d's, and leave.

Unlike other science grad students in their late 20's, I *haven't* started my ph.d. yet. And so coupled with the disadvantages (being limited to certain cities because of Robin's job possibilities, having to readjust to student life), is the advantage of some additional foresight. We know we want to start a family before I'm 30. We know we want to find a community that is friendly towards people like us. I know to be keeping an eye out for universities that have safety nets for its women grad students, which are cognizant of the choices we have to be making.

I couldn't help but notice that Amber Post is at Princeton... I have heard that the environment at Princeton can be old-school, misogynistic. Would she have chosen to attend if she'd started at age 25? I'm not saying that all women who want to go into science should wait till they are older to start their degrees. However, I think that this situation does behoove those who ARE older, those who are already in academic positions, to think a bit more about where they choose to work, such that we can begin to foster better communities for women in science. In that manner, places which aren't as friendly are either forced to change, or fade away.

the trickle becomes a flood

This morning, I received a phone call from a Harvard Immunology professor to congratulate me on my acceptance to their program. And this afternoon, I spoke to a Johns Hopkins Immunology professor about interviewing at their campus.

That makes 6 interviews, 1 recruitment weekend, and 1 rejection thus far. 4 more programs to hear from.

I had my first interview last Friday at Harvard Systems Biology. It's a very new program (they have their first students in their first year right now) with many young professors from a large variety of backgrounds. A lot of exciting work is being done there, and the atmosphere is very collaborative and open. I really enjoyed the day.

I have a feeling this decision is going to be very hard to make. True, I applied to a LOT of programs, but I thought pretty hard about each and every one. They all have their strong points, and I'm genuinely excited about every single interview.

I'm still pinching myself to find out if this is all some crazy dream. A mechanical engineer being accepted to Harvard Immunology???? Holy Crapola.

update on interviews

I've got 2 more interviews.... UW Immunology and Stanford Immunology! Now I've got all cities covered. It's going to be a crazy month and a half coming up.....

And the news comes trickling in....

It's only been about a month since my first grad school application deadlines, not even 2 weeks since the later ones, and I'm already hearing back from some schools.

Out of 12 programs (yes, I applied to 12 programs, at 8 different schools), I've heard from 4. In chronological order:

1) UCSF flat out rejected me. To be honest, I wasn't surprised... one page of the application asked for all my letter grades from undergraduate in biology, chemistry, psychology, and other things I either did poorly in, or didn't even take. It can't be good when you declare you got a C- in the sole bio class you took in undergrad. My friends reassured me that my 93 percentile score on the Bio GRE should make up for it, but the page just looked TERRIBLE.

2) University of Washington (Molecular/Cellular Biology) was first to call for interviews. I'm heading to Seattle on Feb 8-11, then hanging out with college friends for a day before coming home.

3) This morning, Harvard Systems Biology contacted me for an interview. Lucky them, they don't have to transport or house me anywhere since I'm already in the Boston area. I'll be going out to dinner with other interviewees Jan 26, then having interviews on Jan 27 before the departmental evening party.

4) Minutes ago, I got a call from George Washington University (Microbiology/Immunology). I'm heading down to DC on Feb 16-18.

There are still 8 programs to hear from (one whose app deadline is Feb 1!), but already I've got interviews in 3 out of 4 cities that I was shooting for. Stanford, won't you call me too? You're my only hope in the Bay Area now that UCSF shot me down!


Of course, I still have to do well in the interview process before I actually am accepted, but it's really wonderful to know that I am indeed competitive in the field, even though I'm making a full switch from mechanical engineering. I feel very lucky to have had the opportunities that have come my way, and I am doing my best to take full advantage of them.

wedge status: ready to go...

Sophie is curled up in my lap, eating cheerios that I drop on her as I try to finish up an essay.

My first application (Harvard) was submitted yesterday morning. By tomorrow, I'll be done with my second application (to UW molecular and cellular biology) and that will go in the mail so that it has a week to get across the country and make it before the deadline. By the end of the weekend, I should be done with my third application (Stanford) so that I can submit it online before the deadline on tuesday.

UCSF is due online the 20th, and most everything else is due Jan 1 or a little after. But I think by the end of next week, I can be done with it all.


Every morning now, I take my vitamins, eat my breakfast, and cuddle with Sophie as I work on my apps. I'm getting there, bit by bit, cheerio by cheerio. This part of the journey is almost over.... the next few months, though, are gonna be crazy I think. I'm ready for it... after all, I'm doing all the setup now, right?

Robin and Sophie are famous! I submitted the photo a week ago, but completely forgot about it until I received this email from Robin:

So this morning one of the [TAs] asked me out of the blue whether I had a
cat. I responded with something like "Yeah, that is cat hair all over me."
However, it turns out she asked because she saw the picture you posted on
stuffonmycat.com.

Coincidentally, last night we bought a pommello at the supermarket, with the intention of making Wirt a kitty crash helmet. His head is a mite small but we'll manage somehow, I'm sure.

Massive Change (10 months late!)

I wrote this up in January, but needed to upload a picture for it... which I didn't do until this past week. Better late than never, though.




Some friends and I went to the Massive Change exhibit at the Vancouver Art Museum. What is Massive Change? On the website, it says:

Design has emerged as one of the world's most powerful forces. It has placed us at the beginning of a new, unprecedented period of human possibility, where all economies and ecologies are becoming global, relational, and interconnected.

In order to understand and harness these emerging forces, there is an urgent need to articulate precisely what we are doing to ourselves and to our world. This is the ambition of Massive Change.

I believe that this project was started just as a book, but has since spawned the website linked above, and the art exhibit that I attended.

One of the neatest rooms of the exhibit attempted to quantify disparity of numbers concerning wealth and politics. Sections of wall were painted with numbers of different things, and balloons representing general orders of magnitude filled the 2 story room.



However, the most jarring image here (and in the entire exhibit, for that matter) was unintentional. A museum employee was teaching kids how to use a Segway. They probably chose the location because it was the biggest room of the exhibit. But he chose to spend most of his time beneath enormous letters that read "We Must Eradicate Poverty" ....



Now I know that technology is being developed to help eradicate poverty. But those things are more in the form of reliable, cheap energy sources, water purifiers, medications, etc etc. A Segway? How is a machine that enables someone to avoid expending effort to walk (cheapest mode of transport!) and costs several thousand dollars going to eradicate poverty?

How to Get Into Caltech for Undergrad part 2: no, really, how do I get in?

All right, the part that I bet most students who read this are zooming straight to. How do you get into Caltech? What can I do to my application that will make my chances of admission higher?

The number one question at the Caltech Info session I attended revolved around test scores. "What kind of SAT score do I have to aim for?" Your SAT score and other standardized test scores probably mean squat, and are not indicators of how well you will do at Tech. I knew folks who got 1600 on their SAT's (this was before there were 3 parts to the test) and they flailed through all 4 years of Caltech. The Admissions committee knows this. So don't bother retaking the SAT a billion times to get that perfect score. If you scored relatively high, then that's all that matters... you just need to prove you are smart enough to take a test, not that you have mastered standardized testing.

The most important thing that you can show on your application is that you have challenged yourself as much as you possibly can with the resources around you. This means that you should have taken the most challenging classes at your school. If your school offers AP's in sciences, you should take them. Having gone to the community college nearby for classes that your high school doesn't offer is also a big plus.

Me, I went to a magnet program in high school, and I have a feeling that was a big factor in my admission. I sought out the hardest stuff I could do in my school district.... I took at least 7 science/math AP tests, and did pretty well. I ended up being an average student at Caltech. On the other hand, my husband took 3 science/math AP classes in high school because harder classes weren't offered. His high school science classes were a fraction of the difficulty of my classes. But he was admitted to Caltech early, had a much easier time grasping the concepts than I did, graduated with honors, and is now a graduate student at Harvard. I think that the admissions committee could see from the rest of his application that he was a hard worker.

This brings me to extracurriculars. What I said above about challenging yourself holds here as well. This is where I think my husband made his application. He was an Eagle Scout, and the section leader for the saxophones in his extremely successful high school marching band. Both those things took a lot of time and dedication and hard work.

Almost everyone I knew at Tech had something interesting to put in their extracurriculars. Some of us did research over the summers. (I think that's what got me in; I worked at Fort Monmouth for 3 summers doing engineering research.) Some of us goofed around and built wacky things with our friends (a friend of mine built a remote controlled submarine). None of us were simply classes classes classes. We challenged ourselves outside of school as well, and were able to juggle everything.



So those are the important things in your application. Which means that by the time you are a senior and are applying, there's very little you can actively do to pad your application. It all depends on the stuff you've already done.. have you taken the hard classes? Have you challenged yourself extracurricularly? It's a little late to fix that now! Great SAT scores won't make up for slacking off in school and doing nothing over summers but video games.

How to Get Into Caltech for Undergrad part 1: Do you belong at Caltech?

I've been a bit immersed in application things lately; not only am I working on my own grad school applications, but I have been involved in advertising for Caltech admissions as well. The admissions office sent me a packet of information that they thought would be useful to disseminate, but I think my version of Caltech might differ a bit from theirs.

After attending a Caltech info session a week ago, I decided to write up my own blurb about who should go to Caltech, and how to get in. Please understand that this is my own opinion, and might not match up with other Techers or the admissions office... but I figure, I went to Tech, I might as well share what I know and you can decide what to believe.

Why should I know? Let me first tell you about me. I attended a science/engineering magnet program in high school, before attending Caltech from 1997-2001. I finished my BS in Engineering & Applied Sciences (concentration in Mechanical Engineering) a trimester early, and worked at the Jet Propulsion Lab for the remainder of the school year, doing initial mechanical design for the Mars Rover (yes, the one that is currently tooling around on Mars this very moment.) After Tech, I attended MIT and got my SM in Mechanical Engineering in 2003. At this time, I am working in the immunology lab of a Harvard professor, and am applying to Systems Biology/Immunology ph.d. programs.


So that's who I am. Who do I think belongs at Caltech?

You belong at Caltech if you know for certain that you want to be involved in science or math. Does labware give you a hard on? Love calculus? Think string theory is the neatest thing since sliced bread? You'll love it at Tech. No other university will challenge you harder in these disciplines, not even MIT.... what other place makes quantum physics mandatory for EVERYONE? And on top of the challenging classwork, there's no other place that has as many opportunities for undergraduate research, which is a very key thing for getting into grad school. I was generally an average student at Tech, but even I was able to get an internship at an immunology start-up, and then do design for the Mars Rover.

That said, if you are uncertain about what you are interested, if you have even the slightest leanings towards literature, history, art, you should stay away from Tech. Admissions likes to talk about how Tech has alternatives for those who find out that they don't want to do science, but really, what employer is interested in someone who has a history degree from Caltech? You'd be better off going somewhere with liberal arts program, so you can explore the other options, and make an informed decision in such a way that you are well prepared whether you do science or something else.

Another sore point is pre-meds. The Admissions office sent me a whole packet on how pre-meds at Tech have all these opportunities, etc, and how pre-meds would do awesome at Tech. Which I think is bullshit. Sure, the opportunities exist. There are plenty of volunteer opportunities at the nearby hospital, and you can definitely be involved in great research. However, from what I remember about classes, I have no idea how the pre-meds had any free time to spare for volunteering and all the other things you have to do as a pre-med. And let's face it, med school applications are about grades. How many pre-meds do you think are going to get A's in quantum physics? In linear algebra? I know several people who were pre-meds at Tech. The few that were super stars, who were extraordinarily talented, got into med school, and are doing fantastically. But I know of others who were average students and were rejected from med school, and years out from Tech are still trying to get in.


In summary, I wouldn't recommend going to Tech if you are dead set on being a doctor, or if you think you might be interested in humanities. But if you love science and math, then there's no better place to get your feet wet.